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[sushilkumargiri]

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money.
Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Since the beginning of human civilization, people are celebrating special occasions like marriages, birthdays and victories.
The huge expenditure of resources on these celebrations are appreciated by some while refuted by others.
Some argue that these celebration make indivisual happy while other pool believe that these monies can be used to help needy people.
Both of these points will be critiqued before reaching a reasoned conclusion.

Firstly, celebrations are meant to make people happy and make them feel proud of the special occasion.
One of many examples is that, a little kid feels himself/herself very special on birthday celebration and gifts received on the day makes him very happy.Thus, it is evident that celebrations are essential for individuals, and at large, for the fabric of society even at the cost of huge money.
This analysis proves that it is very difficult to debunk the idea of celebrations to be necessary for society.

Secondly, it is seen that people spent huge amount of money to celebrate any occasion and buy stuffs which are not very necessary.
For instance, Indians spend around 20 billion dollars in marriage ceremonies every year where more that 300 millions of people struggle to earn for food. This money can certainly be used to help poor people instead of throwing lavishing marriage party. therefore it can be said that these big celebrations are nothing but waste of money.

After analysing above two points, one can say from enlightened point of view that celebrations are important in society provides not much is spent on unnecessay articles. One suggestion could be to educate people and tax heavily if they spend much on celebrations.

[allen_zhang]

Hi sushilkumargiri,

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money.
Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Since the beginning of human civilization, people are celebrating special occasions like marriages, birthdays and victories.
The huge expenditure of resources on these celebrations are appreciated by some while refuted by others.
Some argue that these celebrations make indivisual-->people happy while other pool believe that these monies can be used to help needy people.[Allen]why limit your idea to "needy people"? why cannot save the money for their family? also, I would lik to replace "needy" with "impoverished".
[Allen]why start a new paragraph?
Both of these points will be critiqued before reaching a reasoned conclusion.
[Allen] there are some words which I am not sure and will avoid to use them, but you may be right on using them -- " critiqued ", "reasoned".

Firstly, celebrations are meant to make people happy and make them feel proud of the special occasions.
One of many examples is that,[Allen]I am not sure about this a little kid [Allen]"kid" is not academic, replace it with "child" feels himself/herself very special on birthday celebrations and gifts received on the day makes him very happy.Thus, it is evident that celebrations are essential for individuals, and at large, for the fabric of society even at the cost of huge money.This analysis proves that it is very difficult to debunk the idea of celebrations to be necessary for society. [Allen] I don't unerstand this sentence.


Secondly, it is seen that people spent[Allen]why past tense? huge amount of money to celebrate any occasion and buy stuffs which are not very necessary.
For instance, Indians spend around 20 billion dollars in marriage ceremonies every year where more that 300 millions of people struggle to earn for food. This[Allen] I prefer "these". money can certainly be used to help poor people instead of throwing lavishing[Allen]:lavish marriage party. therefore[Allen]-->so, it can be said that these big celebrations are nothing but waste of money.

After analysing above two points, one can say from enlightened point of view that celebrations are important in society provides not much is spent on unnecessay articles.[Allen]don't understand. One suggestion could be to educate people and tax heavily if they spend much on celebrations.[Allen] who asked for your solutions?[/

[allen_zhang]

some more thoughts about your essay:

1, I would like to avoid using sentences like below, because they are cliche and seem boring to me.

Both of these points will be critiqued before reaching a reasoned conclusion.

2, make sure your introduction perfectly cover the topic questions.

3, more ideas, for example:
advangates of extravagant celebrations:
1), they are important and memorable events in people's live. (you already wrote it.)
2), party celebration is a big business and creates jobs. so, societies benefit from it.

disadvanges of extravagant celebrations:
1), waste money, and can use it elsewhere. save it to buy a house or something. people may be in debts if they spend too much money on celebrations.
2), the mentality of "keeping up with the Joneses" will make things worse.

do not write anything that you are not asked to do. for example, the solutios you mentioned.

[sushilkumargiri]

Thanks for your valuable comments and corrections allen_zhang.
I wrote ielts exam on 5th April 2014.. I am not confident about getting band 7 in all sections..
Most probably I will register to write again after getting result on 21 April..