Writing Task 2 / Sports and HR

[Emre_Akdeniz]

Popular events like Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.


At present day, relationships between some countries are not going on prognoseticatevly. However the people in certain states are between two senses, such as taking a side of their governments or sustaining subtle connections with all nations. It is believed that some activites classify the people moderately against violence and hostility. This will be proven by analyzing all the fact and factors and evidences given below.

It is obvious that the football has always been a magic wand to keep the people together as groups all around the world. For instance, the entire conflicts between Cameroon and Nigeria was overlooked significantly in 1990 FIFA World Cup. In addition, it was observed that during competition, in both lands, publics were not strict to one another and they focused on racings. This instance shows that each one side kept their offensive manners inside and just paid attention to the players. As the result, their sentiments of malice were covered by the sport activity.

Second instance might be given for Olympic Games. It is never seen any enmity or racist behaviours while the games are being played. During 2000 Sydney Olympiades, it is surprisingly witnessed that no one military attack occured between Israel and Palestine. From this it can be concluded that antagonism and opposition could be denied by some ways.

As has been shown, majority of people need to be gravitated teremendously by using certain occupations. It is clearly understood that, the peace in the world could be obtained by providing different sort of opportunities to the humanity.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - My brain hurts after reading the first three sentences! I'm going to just count them as incomprehensible!

First main paragraph - First sentence ... well, in my mind I just used a word that means 'waste from the back of a male cow'! Have you never heard of football violence? I mean, Israel actually competes in Europe because of political problems! Check out 'Soccer War' on Wikipedia!

In the Olympics, an Iranian athlete actually dropped out rather than face an Israeli opponent! (He claimed it was a stomach problem - few believe it!). As for the supposed lack of violence during the Olympics, you REALLY need a history lesson! Munich 1972?! I don't think "Hey there was no violence in Sydney" is going to make a big difference!

No racism during the Olympics! I was in China for the 2008 Olympics, so I know the real story there!

Sorry, Emre, but this essay just collapses ...

[Emre_Akdeniz]

Sir,

I was expecting that you, as examiner, aim to help people over writing essay by considering vocabulary usage, essay structure knowledge and coherence/cohesion critiques. And actually /evidently IELTS is not a test which compares the history ability of the students.

My instances are certain for Cameroon, Nigeria, Palestine and Israel. I did not exemplify over Iranian athlete or Munich 1972 or China 2008.

With all due respect to your historical skills and personal experiences, I kindly ask you to comment on my essays in IELTS criteria.

Sincerely,
Emre Akdeniz