Hi everyone,
can you please give some feedback to my writing? thanks!
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.
Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Advertisements show products so attractive to the audience make them to buy things that do not satisfy any need. Big companies have learnt how people think and they have taken advantage of it. The marketing departments are always researching the way to introduce new products to the public based on the appearance of the product but the usability is not important.
Many TV ads create an illusion explaining why a product must be bought it. Situations commercials on TV are made up and they are out of the reality, for example a depressed girl is shown due to she cannot buy a new brand doll but when finally her parents buy the doll she is instantly happy. Once people are convinced that they need to buy something base on false ideas they start to waste money in unnecessary things.
Media has a huge impact in the society and they are working together with big companies in order to increase sells. The consumer is constantly receiving information about goods and services from many ways such as newspapers, street ads, radio and magazines, the repetition of a message is the key and the message is very clear: “you have to spend your money”. The combination of media and companies are changing the people’s shopping habits.
In conclusion, companies has lost the north and they are not trying to offer what the marketing need, they are only selling what they want to produce and induce the customer to buy it. We as a customer must be aware of this and do not follows the companies’ tricks.
Writing task 2
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
- Posts: 1371
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am
Re: Writing task 2
Hello!
The main problem here is that you have placed all companies in one basket.
You say that advertisements are disconnected with reality, but your example actually disproves that. Buying children toys does generally make them happy.
You fail to point out what is 'waste' and what is 'unnecessary'. This leads to the possibility that you think everything people buy is a waste. Food? clothes? Transport? Medicine? Before you say that's a misinterpretation, remember what you have written in the conclusion.
Overall, a very unconvincing essay. Points are so general as to be meaningless. I mean, if you buy a computer, who am I to tell you that you don't need it and that you have been indoctrinated by unscrupulous companies?
Vocabulary is not used to produce a comprehensible essay.
All the best,
David
The main problem here is that you have placed all companies in one basket.
You say that advertisements are disconnected with reality, but your example actually disproves that. Buying children toys does generally make them happy.
You fail to point out what is 'waste' and what is 'unnecessary'. This leads to the possibility that you think everything people buy is a waste. Food? clothes? Transport? Medicine? Before you say that's a misinterpretation, remember what you have written in the conclusion.
Overall, a very unconvincing essay. Points are so general as to be meaningless. I mean, if you buy a computer, who am I to tell you that you don't need it and that you have been indoctrinated by unscrupulous companies?
Vocabulary is not used to produce a comprehensible essay.
All the best,
David
Re: Writing task 2
fbecerra wrote:Hi everyone,
can you please give some feedback to my writing? thanks!
Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.
Which viewpoint do you agree with?
Advertisements show products so attractive to the audience, they buy things that do not satisfy any need. Big companies have learnt how people think and they have taken advantage of it. The marketing departments are always researching ways to introduce new products to the public based on the appearance of the product but ignoring the usability.
Many TV ads create an illusion explaining why a product must be bought. Situations are made up which do not reflect reality. For example, a depressed girl is shown because she cannot buy a new brand doll, but when her parents finally buy the doll she is instantly happy. Once people are convinced that they need to buy something based on false ideas they start to waste money on unnecessary things.
Media has a huge impact on the society and they are working together with big companies in order to increase sales. The consumer is constantly receiving information about goods and services in many ways such as newspapers, street ads, radio and magazines. The repetition of a message is the key and the message is very clear, “You have to spend your money.” The combination of media and companies are changing people’s shopping habits.
In conclusion, companies has lost the north and they are not trying to offer what the marketing need, they are only selling what they want to produce and induce the customer to buy it.(<--I don't understand this sentence. What is 'lost the north'?) We, as customers, must be aware of this and not fall for the companies’ tricks.