Topic: University, require feedback pls, need band 7 at least!

[plin0627]

Question: Some people think that university education should prepare students for employment while others think it should help students acquire theoretical knowledge. Discuss and give opinion.

There has been a debatable topic on whether a university should be the place for higher education students to prepare for their future career or to solely obtaining theoretical knowledge. In my view, a university share its place in fostering knowledge as well as as acts a stepping stone to a stable career for students.

The dominant factor in supporting the view of preparing students for employment is that such could help save their time in struggling to suit and reach their employers or organisations' expectations as well as job requirements. These are the aspects that theoretical knowledge could not offer. In addition to this, when these fresh graduates are better-prepared, the companies are also gaining profit from these skilled ones with stronger productivity and efficiency. Eventually, their abilities and skills are recognised and appreciated by the top managements. As the matter of fact, there is no doubt that why not a university should help students in preparing for a better career.

If we look back into the history, however, the formation of a university by the ancestors was to create a place where all the knowledgeable ones could share their valuable knowledge with one another. That is to say, a university should not sway from its original purpose and aim. Besides, there are also certain professions such as doctors, surgeons and scientists who require in-depth theoretical knowledge and all these can only be acquired from the professors and researches done in universities. But, not all tertiary education students are interested in these fields. Evidently, most of them prefer a rewarding career and often choose the discipline that could possibly reward them the most in future.

To conclude, i think the functions of today's university have extended in order to cope with human's needs. The university is no longer allow in sharing knowledge, but also a venue that stimulates student's potential, skills, interests and needs enormously through workshops, seminars, as well as job support in getting the desired professions.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, good. I think your conclusion needs to be clearer - what do YOU think? (allow, change to 'alone'?)

Vocabulary and grammar are good, despite some errors.

Well done!
David

[plin0627]

Hi David,
thanks for your feedback! can you please point out where are the errors?

Revised for the conclusion below, is it ok?

To conclude, i think the functions of today's university have extended in order to cope with human's needs. The university is no longer alone in sharing knowledge, but more like a venue that stimulates student's potential, skills, interests and needs enormously through workshops, seminars, as well as job support in getting the desired professions.


Cheers,
Claire

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Much better!
D

[plin0627]

Thanks much!