Kindly assess my writing. My target is 8 bands.

[Dr.Khurram]

Some Governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way?
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer.

In 21st century Increasing population is one the most dramatic problem faced by many countries around the globe. Many nations are dealing with this crisis by imposing taxes on families having more than one children. From my perspective, these kinds of measures are compulsory to deal this crisis of every increasing population.
First of all, abrupt upsurge in population throughout the world and specifically in south Asian countries, has gave rise to different kind of problems and imposing taxes is only feasible method to counter this situation. Population explosion has caused noticeable increase in unemployment and crime rates. Moreover many countries are unable to provide basic facilities to masses such as good food, clean drinking water and good hospitals, just because of limited funds and ever increasing population. For instance, India which is second most populous country, lack basic infrastructure to provide facilities such has houses to people, and 30% of India population is spending miserable lives on footpaths.
Proponents of population control also contend that imposing taxes is only possible solution to the exorbitant population. Firstly these taxes helps government to use this money effectively by building new schools,universities and other public institutions. Furthermore this concept of taxes is totally based on hard facts instead of anecdotal evidences. The vary good example of this is Chinese population control program, which by imposing taxes on citizens with more than one children played effective role in tackling this troublesome problem of population.
To conclude, I reckon that it is totally imprudent to ignore this emerging problem of population explosion and imposing taxes is one the practically possible solution to this problem.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, grammar and vocabulary are very good. However, there are a couple of key problems with your response. The question is asking about taxing people who have more children, so where are these poor people going to get the money? If poverty increases crime, as you claim (I do not accept this claim entirely and would argue that rich people are responsible for many crimes!), then taxing the poor is completely counter-productive! In China, it wasn't just fines that were punishment for having too many kids, it was a) loss of work and b) no citizenship for the excess children. All this under a government that most people would call oppressive.

All the best,
David

[Dr.Khurram]

Thank you David for pointing out all these mistakes. Your input is significantly helping me to improve my writing.

[Flick]

Some Governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way?
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer.

In the 21st century, increasing population is one of the most dramatic problems faced by many countries around the globe. Many nations are dealing with this crisis by imposing taxes on families having more than one child. From my perspective, these kinds of measures are compulsory to deal this crisis of ever-increasing population.

First of all, abrupt upsurge in population throughout the world and specifically in south Asian countries, has given rise to different kinds of problems and imposing taxes is the only feasible method to counter this situation. Population explosion has caused a noticeable increase in unemployment and crime rates. Moreover, many countries are unable to provide basic facilities to the masses such as good food, clean drinking water and good hospitals, just because of limited funds and ever-increasing population. For instance, India, which is the second most populous country, lacks basic infrastructure to provide facilities such as houses, and 30% of India's population is homeless.

Proponents of population control also contend that imposing taxes is the only possible solution to the exploding population. Firstly, these taxes help the government to build new schools, universities and other public institutions. Furthermore, this concept of taxes is totally based on hard facts instead of anecdotal evidence. A good example of this is the Chinese population control program, which, by imposing taxes on citizens with more than one child, played an effective role in tackling this troublesome problem of population.

To conclude, I believe that it is totally imprudent to ignore this emerging problem of population explosion, and imposing taxes is a practically possible solution to this problem.