Please assess writing task 2 - Percentage of overweight children

[ieltslearner]

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.


The percentage of obese children has increased by nearly 20% in the last decade in western countries. There are two main reasons for this trend, namely fast food and the increased addiction to video games. This essay will analyse these causes along with their imminent impact.

The principal reason for growing obesity among youth is the over indulgence in fast food. Fast food such as burgers, fried chicken and fries contain a significant amount of fatty oil which increases body fat if had regularly. Often, working parents in the western setting results in purchase of packaged food and take-away instead of home cooked meals. Children often end up eating unhealthy convenience food.

Another reason for this disturbing trend is addiction to video games. With the advent of technology in the last half century, and the ever increasing addiction to gadgets such as gaming consoles, children are often found immersed for hours in this form of entertainment. As a result, enthusiasm for outdoor activities and sports diminishes. Consequently, body fat accumulates as young ones are glued to their couches, devoid of physical exercise.

Apparent effects of growing consumption of fast food are the health risks that come with it. Heart related diseases such as high blood pressure and excess in blood cholesterol are the direct consequence of junk food intake. Additionally, spending hours playing games on television can make children lazy and lethargic. As is widely accepted, exercise produces a healthy body and mind.

In conclusion, consumption of junk food and video gaming are presented as two main reasons for the gradual increase in overweight children in the past decade in the western world. There are several health risks that result from this along with children losing interest in physical activities which affects their overall health.

(295 words)

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite good, but there is one quite major error in your writing. The writing is very general, with just two reasons presented and no part of the essay looking at why many/most kids are not obese.

All the best,
David

[ieltslearner]

Thanks David.

Really appreciate the time and effort you put in for the students.

With gratitude and appreciation. Thank you.

[Flick]

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.


The percentage of obese children has increased by nearly 20% in the last decade in western countries. There are two main reasons for this trend, namely fast food and the increased addiction to video games. This essay will analyse these causes along with their imminent impact.

The principal reason for growing obesity among youth is the over-indulgence in fast food. Fast food such as burgers, fried chicken and fries contain a significant amount of fatty oil which increases body fat if eaten regularly. Often, working parents in western countries tend to purchase packaged food and take-away food instead of home cooked meals. Children often end up eating unhealthy convenience food.

Another reason for this disturbing trend is addiction to video games. With the advent of technology in the last half century, and the ever-increasing addiction to gadgets such as gaming consoles, children are often found immersed for hours in this form of entertainment. As a result, enthusiasm for outdoor activities and sports diminishes. Consequently, body fat accumulates as young ones are glued to their couches, devoid of physical exercise.

Apparent effects of the growing consumption of fast food are the health risks that come with it. Heart-related diseases such as high blood pressure and excess blood cholesterol levels are the direct consequence of junk food intake. Additionally, spending hours playing games on television can make children lazy and lethargic. As is widely accepted, exercise produces a healthy body and mind.

In conclusion, consumption of junk food and video gaming are presented as two main reasons for the gradual increase in overweight children in the past decade in the western world. There are several health risks that result from this along with children losing interest in physical activities which affects their overall health.

(295 words)