Please review my writing task 2

[Dzzz]

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming.
To what extent do you agree?

Environmental problems have become a threat to survival of humanity . Many people believe that government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead rise funding of the more urgent and global problems. It is agreed that urgent and worldwide threats such as global warming, deforestation or nuclear pollution require more attention and funding from governmetn. These will be shown by analizing how global threats may affect humanity if not given enough attention.

Global warming is one of the most important ecology-related problems of today as it affects the entire planet. According to Global Warming Council, average temperatures across earth have risen more than one degree celcius over a period of 10 years. If it continues to rise with such pace, sooner or later it will lead to north ple ice melting. As a result, rising level of global oceans may cause a flood in many countries. Some islands situated countries, like for example Philipines, may become totally drawn under water. Therefore it’s very important to realize that global warming is an urgent and threatening issue humanity have to deal with as soon as possible.

Another urgent threat that may lead to catastrophic events is deforestation.
As we all know, threes are producing oxygen that we all breath, by absorbing CO2 from the air. With high level of urbanization across the world, forests are being sacrificed to build new infrastructure objects like roads, buildings etc. For example, Brasil has lost about 30% of its forests during last 20 years. It’s obvious that if we will not recultivate what we have cut, desserts will take place of forests. Thus, this problem must not be underestimated by governents of all countries.

With all that is said, it becomes clear why threats such as global warming and deforestation are so important. It is believed that governments of all countries should start to pay more attention to this and increase funding into the most urgent and threatening issues. It is expected that all countries will work together to solve these global threats the near future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a good essay. I think that the main thing missing - and it is quite difficult to do - is an explanation of exactly how these problems can be tackled internationally.

Grammar and vocabulary are both good - deforestation, urgent, catastrophic, flood. We can see some topic-specific vocabulary.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming.
To what extent do you agree?

Environmental problems have become a threat to the survival of humanity. Many people believe that the government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding of more urgent and global problems. It is agreed that urgent and worldwide threats such as global warming, deforestation or nuclear pollution require more attention and funding from the government. This will be shown by analyzing how global threats may affect humanity if not given enough attention.

Global warming is one of the most important ecology-related problems of today as it affects the entire planet. According to the Global Warming Council, average temperatures across Earth have risen more than one degree Celsius over a period of 10 years. If it continues to rise at such a pace, sooner or later it will lead to the ice caps melting. As a result, the rising level of global oceans may cause floods in many countries. Some island-situated countries, for example the Philippines, may end up totally under water. Therefore it’s very important to realize that global warming is an urgent and threatening issue humanity has to deal with as soon as possible.

Another urgent threat that may lead to catastrophic events is deforestation. As we all know, trees produce the oxygen that we all breathe by absorbing CO2 from the air. With high level of urbanization across the world, forests are being sacrificed to build new infrastructure like roads, buildings, etc. For example, Brasil has lost about 30% of its forests in the last 20 years. It’s obvious that if we do not re-cultivate what we have cut, deserts will take the place of forests. Thus, this problem must not be underestimated by governments of all countries.

With all that said, it becomes clear why threats such as global warming and deforestation are so important. It is believed that governments of all countries should start to pay more attention to this and increase funding to the most urgent and threatening issues. It is expected that all countries should work together to solve these global threats in the near future.