Hi Sir David! Kindly assess.. thank you so much!

[nerieryanc]

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern school. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of the teachers , while others think that this is the role of the parents.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Being disciplined is one of the most essential attributes a person should possess to attain success in life. Through this an individual can be able to handle the responsibilities assigned very well. Some people believed that discipline is the primary responsibility of the teachers but it appears to me that parents should take this as their sole responsibility for the betterment of their children’s life and future. This is because that parents are the principal educators of their youngsters and the strong foundation of one's character should be developed at home.

Parents are definitely taking a crucial role in each child’s growth and development holistically. They provide their primary needs physically, emotional, psychologically and spiritually. At home, this is where everything begins. Teaching them in their school assignments, feeding them, looking after them, providing their basic needs and most importantly preparing them to become responsible members of the society are the most common yet extremely important undertakings of the parents to their children.

In addition, parents are the people who the children would always look up to and serve as their inspiration throughout their lives, thus by way of these, parents must take into account that their role is very important. In view of the fact that the maternal and paternal responsibilities are greatly needed by their children, parents should take advantage of these aspects. By these reasons, discipline can be implemented at home through giving them appropriate training by doing some of the household chores, instilling into their minds and showing the importance of good values as well as teaching them on how to become responsible in everything they do in life. Moreover , parents could be able to set the rules and regulations that should be strictly abided by their children.

On the other hand, although teachers have a great impact in every child’s growth and development still disciplining their students comes in a very limited way. Granting that teachers can guide their students through discipline however we must remember that teachers are not having all the rights that the parents hold for their children. Furthermore, most of the time spent by the students in school is primarily intended for learning facts from every subject and making sure that their student learned their topics effectively, thus discipline is not the main focus though important in school.

As a conclusion, for the reason that the parents are the principal guardians of every child, they should take the responsibility of preparing their children to become disciplined towards becoming responsible individuals. Indeed, parents are the first and the best teachers of their children.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite good, but I think that you haven't really covered the discipline aspect. The first main paragraph is simply a list of things parents should do. That paragraph is also shorter than the introduction!

The second and third main paragraphs are better, but again the issue of discipline is only dealt with in a general way. I like the point about teachers not having the full rights that parents have, but you could have made that really good by discussing whether they should.

All the best,
David