Please critique my writing!

[s4ielts]

Human and diseases are inextricably linked together right from the beginning . Lot of advances in medical fields now have made it possible to control them and consequently we have longer life span than ever. Although some people may believe that there are some drawbacks but in my opinion their benefits are far outweighing them.
Admittedly, there might be some obvious disadvantages. Firstly, in later ages it might be difficult for some people to maintain their health and they might have to pay medical bills for it. Secondly, there might be less working force because as mortality rate is dropped , there will be more elderly people which will not be capable of doing normal routine work. Denmark, for instance, have high life expectancy rate and as a result the number of people getting retired is rising. Because there death and birth rate is almost equal so they have to open the door for skillful immigrants to fill this gape.
Nevertheless, despite the drawbacks above, I strongly believe that benefits are humungous. These medical advances have pretty much alleviate the most of the epidemic , which were threatening the humanity from his birth. Plague, for example, have wiped out several cities and even civilizations from the face of earth in matter of weeks. Our thriving civilization is a proof that we have stopped it. Because of these advances we have now succeeded to cure contagious diseases such as malaria and cholera. Sophistication in machinery , furthermore, have made it possible to perform impossible operations like kidney and heart transplant. These all factors are playing pivotal role in enhancing life expectancy rate.
In conclusion, alleviating pandemics , making it possible to perform difficult operations and prolonging life expectancy rate are overcoming its disadvantages.

[MohammedJaved]

Human and diseases are inextricably linked together right from the beginning. A lot of advances in medical fields now have made it possible to control them and consequently we have longer life span than ever. Although some people may believe that there are some drawbacks, I think that their benefits are far outweighing them.
Admittedly, there might be some obvious disadvantages. Firstly, in later ages it might be difficult for some people to maintain their health and they might have to pay medical bills for it. Secondly, there might be less working force because as mortality rate is dropped , there will be more elderly people who will not be capable of doing normal routine work. Denmark, for instance, have high life expectancy rate and as a result the number of people getting retired is rising. Because there death and birth rate is almost equal so they have to open the door for skillful immigrants to fill this gap.
Nevertheless, despite the drawbacks above, I strongly believe that benefits are humungous. These medical advances have pretty much alleviate the most of the epidemic , which were threatening the humanity from his birth. Plague, for example, have wiped out several cities and even civilizations from the face of earth in matter of weeks. Our thriving civilization is a proof that we have stopped it. Because of these advances we have now succeeded to cure contagious diseases such as malaria and cholera. Sophistication in machinery , furthermore, have made it possible to perform impossible operations like kidney and heart transplant. These all factors are playing pivotal role in enhancing life expectancy rate.
In conclusion, alleviating pandemics , making it possible to perform difficult operations and prolonging life expectancy rate are overcoming its disadvantages.


Hi, I am not a teacher, but a student. So, you can take my thoughts or just skip them.
In addition to the red-colored changes I've made above, I suggest that you add one or two sentences to your conclusion since it is too short. Thanks!

[Flick]

Humans and diseases are inextricably linked together. A lot of advances in medical fields have made it possible to control diseases, and consequently we have longer life spans than ever before. Although some people may believe that there are some drawbacks to this, in my opinion the benefits far outweigh them.

Admittedly, there are some obvious disadvantages. Firstly, in later years, it might be difficult for some people to maintain their health and they might have to pay expensive medical bills. Secondly, there might be a smaller working force because as the mortality rate drops, there are more elderly people who are not capable of doing normal routine work. Denmark, for instance, has a high life expectancy rate and as a result, the number of people retiring is rising. Because their death and birth rate is almost equal, they have to open the door for skillful immigrants to fill this gap.

Nevertheless, despite the drawbacks above, I strongly believe that the benefits are significant. Medical advances have pretty much alleviated the worst epidemics, which were threatening humanity from birth. Plague, for example, has wiped out several cities and even civilizations from the face of earth in a matter of weeks. Our thriving civilization is proof that we have stopped this disease. Because of these advances, we have now succeeded in curing contagious diseases such as malaria and cholera. Sophistication in machinery, furthermore, has made it possible to perform once-impossible operations like kidney and heart transplants. These are all factors playing a pivotal role in enhancing life expectancy.

In conclusion, alleviating pandemics, making it possible to perform difficult operations and prolonging life expectancy outweigh the disadvantages of longer life spans.