Kindly assess my writing. My target is Band 8.

[Dr.Khurram]

People have different job expectations for jobs. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently.
Write about the advantages and disadvantages of each viewpoint?

In this contemporary society, people have versatile attitudes toward their jobs. Many commentators are of the view that, it is better to stick to same job for as long as anyone can, While other analysts defend the idea that there are far more advantages of switching job if one can get better opportunity in terms of pay rise or carrier prosperity.
Some people contend that there are numerous benefits of working for the same employer. To mention few, first of all when a employee work in a same company for a long time, he get familiar with the system and he can contribute more to institution as compared to fresh person and as result he will be asset to the company and subsequently paid more and also there are better chances of promotion and salary increment. Also, many companies offer retirement incentives for their old employees in the form of pension and free health careNevertheless this also have some disadvantages such as by staying in same business firm or company one can easily miss versatile experience which can only be got by working in different environments.
However, working for different organizations is also useful for employees in many ways. Many companies offer better and handsome salary packages as compared to their competitors. A common illustration often cited is that various multinational business organization such as Google and Microsoft , pay their staff more reasonable salaries as compared to local business firms. And also some companies have pre-eminent experts on different fields. So joining these institutions broadens one’s horizon.
To conclude, I recapitulate that there are both advantages and disadvantages of this trend, in equal measures.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

There is one big problem, hopefully just a mistake in copying the question. The question does say doing the same job for the same company. This aspect is not dealt with in your essay.

However, if we assume that we are talking about just working for same company - different jobs - this is a good essay. However, it does miss some very important facts, not least of which is that companies will regularly hire people from out side and put them into top jobs - thus clearly negating the argument about working in a company helping with promotion.

Remember to develop points and look at them in a more sophisticated way.

All the best,
David