plesase review the GT task 2

[DJvj]

topic:-

Most schools offer some type of physical education program to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?

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Physical education has become an important part of the curriculum process. Many students are not physically fit and tend of fall sick often. However, many schools nowadays offer various programs which teach them the importance of the fitness. Below are few points discussing the significance for the same.

There are various programs like meditation, sports and group activities are part of physical education. These programs help students in learning the trait of being fit and create awareness which is good for their physical and mental development. It will make students more active and help them in learning new things by collaborating with others. For e.g. a soccer game will help them in developing the team spirit attribute among the students and mingle with other students. They will be more focused in their studies too. Participating in the physical education will even help in improving their immunity level so that they can avoid diseases like obesity.

I believe physical education should be part of the curriculum considering the amount of the pressure nowadays students go through with their studies. By learning these activities will make them stress free and will certainly enjoy these activities outside study time in schools. Students will be encouraged and can refrain themselves from gluing on the gadgets. Various activities should be provided to them so that students they don’t have a monotonous routine and enjoy their school days.

To conclude, physical education is one of the medium through the awareness can be spread among the students at a very early age with more energy and enthusiasm.

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Appreciate your feedback.

[Mahi0001]

Wow


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[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The first word that jumps to mind with this essay is 'strange'. Grammar and vocabulary are very good.

Then the fun begins ...

1. You haven't answered the question. In the conclusion, you do not say whether PE should be compulsory or optional.
2. In the conclusion, you say 'at a very early age'. Explain.
3. There is overuse of 'will'. How can you be sure that these effects will happen?
4. If students are doing various PE activities, what happens to the academic subjects?

All the best,
David

[Flick]

topic:-

Most schools offer some type of physical education program to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?

*******************************************
Physical education has become an important part of the curriculum process. Many students are not physically fit and tend of fall sick often. However, many schools nowadays offer various programs which teach students the importance of fitness. Below are a few points discussing the significance of these programs.

There are various programs like meditation, sports and group activities that are part of physical education. These programs help students in learning how to get fit and create awareness which is good for their physical and mental development. It will make students more active and help them in learning new things by collaborating with others. For example, a soccer game will help them in developing team spirit with other students. They will be more focused in their studies, too. Participating in physical education will even help in improving their immunity level so that they can avoid diseases like obesity.

I believe physical education should be part of the curriculum considering the amount of the pressure nowadays students experience with their studies. These activities will make them stress free and they will certainly enjoy these activities outside study time. Students will be encouraged and can refrain themselves from gluing on the gadgets.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Various activities should be provided to them so that students don’t have a monotonous routine and enjoy their school days.

To conclude, physical education is one of the methods used to spread awareness among the students at a very early age with more energy and enthusiasm.

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Appreciate your feedback.