Please evaluate task 1

[sharmasandy]

You missed an appointment. Write a letter explaining what happened. In your letter include:
what the appointment was
apology for missing the appointment
a request to reschedule


Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing this letter to express my apology for missed an important appointment with your company Director. Please allow me to elaborate on why I missed this appointment.

There was a meeting scheduled today morning at 11 am with you company Director. Since this was a long awaited meeting and planned a month before to explain our company’s technical capabilities, vision and how both the organizations can collaborate to win customer satisfaction and market share. We were travelling from Mumbai to Delhi to attend this meeting by flight and due to congestion at airport flight was delay by 4 hrs due to this we were able to reach your office 2 hrs later then appointed time.

I heartily apology for this missed appointment and my company Director Mr. Patil has expressed the same. I hope you can grasp the severity of the situation I explained. Therefore, we request you to please provide us new appointment for this meeting. We shall make sure to reach one day in advance so that we shall not miss this opportunity again.

Hope to see you soon.

Sandeep Sharma

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite good, but I think that there are two things that you could do to improve the letter.

First, the grammar is not very good. There are many mistakes (e.g. flight was delay) and many sentences are quite long and should be shortened. Clauses are good, but when you have three or four in a sentence, it can be difficult to see the meaning.

Second, you could extend the point on rescheduling by suggesting some days/times. That's the first thing you'll be asked in the reply.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

You missed an appointment. Write a letter explaining what happened. In your letter include:
what the appointment was
apology for missing the appointment
a request to reschedule


Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to express my apologies for missng an important appointment with your company Director. Please allow me to elaborate on why I missed this appointment.

There was a meeting scheduled today at 11 am with you company Director. This was a long awaited meeting and planned a month before to explain our company’s technical capabilities, vision and how our organizations can collaborate to win customer satisfaction and market share. We were flying from Mumbai to Delhi to attend this meeting, and due to congestion at the airport the flight was delayed by 4 hours. Due to this, we arrived at your office 2 hours later than the appointed time.

I heartily apologize for this missed appointment, and my company Director, Mr. Patil, has expressed the same. I hope you can grasp the severity of the situation I explained. Therefore, we ask you to please provide us with a new appointment for this meeting. We shall make sure to arrive one day in advance so that we shall not miss this opportunity again.

Hope to see you soon.

Sandeep Sharma