Kindly assess my essay. I want to achieve band 8 in writing. My exam is on 4th June.

[Dr.Khurram]

Fashion trends are difficult to follow these days and it’s widely believed that they primarily exist just to sell clothes. Some people believe that we shouldn’t follow them and that we should dress in what we like and feel comfortable in.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Nowadays more and more people are opting for designer labels as compared to off the peg clothes. Many commentators are of the view that these designer companies are responsible for making us fashion slaves. I strongly believe that we should wear clothes which are more comfortable and in which we look good instead blindly follow these fashion icons.
Firstly, every year these fashion houses generate hefty amount of revenue just by convincing people that they need latest design clothes. They also inculcate this urge to buy trendy outwears through the celebrity endorsements. As these famous people are highly revered , people blindly follow them and buy whatever designer brands they are promoting. For instance, two years back when Ronaldo who is a famous football star, became brand ambassador of Armani, a man outwears manufacturing company, their sales tremendously soared to new heights. So, cited example provides strong support for the view that how these fashion industry convince people to spent extravagant amount on these lavish commodities.
Proponents also opine that, it is totally imprudent to undermine the enormity of this problem because many people are now became fashion slave, and they spent a big chunk of their income on these latest designs. It is not unreasonable to suggest that instead of spending on these designer clothes, we should wear dresses in which we feel more comfortable. Moreover, after every one or two year the old design get swap by new one and old clothes become totally worthless. So, there are compelling arguments to support the idea of giving up on the utmost desire of blindly following these designer labels.
To recapitulate, I strongly agree with the notion that we should wear clothes in which we feel more comfortable instead of swaying by these fashion trends.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello again!

I've seen many people attempt this essay before and they all fall into the same trap! And, yes, you did too!

In the introduction and in the first sentence of the first main paragraph you mention 'people'. Who are you talking about exactly? Poor Indian people are people. Ronaldo is a person. The trap is believing that all people wear the same clothes. I assure you that this is untrue.

I have an Amani suit. One. It's a great suit. Why does this mean that I 'blindly' follow fashion? (I got it because it was on sale and really cheap!) Why do you think the fashion industy spends so much money to make me buy a discounted suit?

The enormity of the problem? Where do you live that you see so many people wearing brand name clothes? I assure you that in Vietnam, China, India, and Europe, most people do not.

Overall, good grammar, but a very weak response to the question - to the point where it makes little sense.

As I said at the beginning, everyone I know who has answered this question has made the same mistake. Be careful on June 4th!!!!

David