please assess my writing task 2

[ali zahir]

Many people are convinced that the talents such as, music and sport are features that some people were born with. On the other hand, it is argued that these talents can be taught to children to becobe good athletes or musicians. In this essay, I will discuss the both perspectives.
To begin, it is certainly true that many children have unusual talents. For example, it is not uncommon that we find children with professional abilities to use musical instruments or to be clever athletes. It is sometimes called natural gifts. In addition, if we make a study on two kids in the same age and both of them didn’t receive any kind of education by comparing between their responses to teaching them mathematical basics, they will show different results and responses. Because they have different skills and different types of intelligence. Hence, we can say that they were born with different abilities and certain talents.
However, many people have logical arguments and opinions. First of all, the keys of success are not only related to natural talents, factors like education and hard working help people to achieve their goals. As a result, children who don’t have the natural talents can reach what talented people reach if they receive advanced learning and motivation to work hard. Furthermore, if a talented person didn’t work hard to improve his talent, he will not benefit from it and he will probably lose it.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that many children were born with talents, and these children have bigger chances to success, but they need to work hard to maintain their natural gifts.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, quite good.

Sometimes, the vocabulary and grammar are 'strange' and even confusing. For example ...

1. The ability to play a musical instrument is not 'unusual'. I know many kids that can do this. Professional abilities? Clever athletes? What do you mean exactly?

2. However, many people have logical arguments and opinions. Yes. So? (I think you missed some words out from this sentence.)

3. In the final sentence of the second main paragraph, you overuse 'will'. The points you make may be true, but they are far from certain.

In addition, I think you need to provide more evidence. I actually agree with your points, but you do not make a convincing case.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Many people are convinced that talents such as music and sport are features that some people are born with. On the other hand, it is argued that these talents can be taught to children. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives.

To begin, it is certainly true that many children have special talents. For example, it is not uncommon to find children with amazing abilities to play musical instruments or to be exceptional athletes. This is sometimes called a natural gift. In addition, if we observe two kids of the same age, neither of whom received any kind of education, then teach them basic mathematics, they will show different results and responses because they have different skills and different types of intelligence. Hence, we can say that they were born with different abilities and certain talents.

However, many people believe skills can be taught. First of all, the keys to success are not only related to natural talents. Factors like education and hard work help people to achieve their goals. As a result, children who don’t have natural talents can achieve the same level of success as naturally talented people if they receive advanced learning and motivation to work hard. Furthermore, if a talented person doesn't work hard to improve his talent, he will not benefit from it and he will probably lose it.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that many children were born with talents, and these children have better chances of success, but they need to work hard to maintain their natural gifts.