Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
gurjeet kaur
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 9:25 am

Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by gurjeet kaur »

some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individual. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some native are of opinion that the main aim of educational intitutions is to convert a student into a good native and employees. However, other believe that education develop them as an individualist. I agree to this statement to some extent. This eassy will examine how children develop their personality as a countrymen and workers.

Firstly. i think that when parent send their children to schools, they believe that their children will learn moral values from their teacher, which is beneficial from them to establish themselves as a good person. Moreover, school introduce culture value to the student which is shared by society and learn to deal with the people of different background. Also, these institutions teach rules and regulation of the country as a result of this it build and develop sense of belonging toward nation.

Furthermore, schools teach discipline which turn children into effective worker. what more, They interact with many classmates which brings holistic development like they learn teamwork, sportmanspirit, gain valuable experience, learn good communication skills which leads to high morale and productivity. School also evolve them so that yougsters will enable themselves to succeed in the job market. For example it is reported in jobs and career wednesday magazine that student learn interpersonal and formal skills from schools

While some argue that schools develop student to establish themselves as an individual like if complete complete their assignment it helps them to discover their potential. After this, school also taught them what is right or wrong for them. To add more, teacher help children to understant their strength and improve their weakness. It also bring confidence among them through co-curricular activities or lesson.

In conclusion, it can be concluded that schools changed a teenager to become a society person and competitive worker. It is also true that skills are trained through some subject, activities and sports so all these beneficial to them in future as an individual or good native or employee
Amrit sandhu
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 08, 2016 1:22 pm

Re: Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by Amrit sandhu »

Tc 7 may nu test dta..
gurjeet kaur
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 9:25 am

Re: Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by gurjeet kaur »

No......i donot filled test yet
gurjeet kaur
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 9:25 am

Re: Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by gurjeet kaur »

Please sir review my writing task 2

Thanks
gurjeet kaur
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 9:25 am

Re: Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by gurjeet kaur »

please is there any one who can give review on writing task 2. i really want to know my level. Also, i want to post more writing task 2
User avatar
Flick
Grammar Checker
Grammar Checker
Posts: 1466
Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by Flick »

gurjeet kaur wrote:some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individual. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people are of the opinion that the main aim of educational institutions is to convert a student into a good citizen and employee. However, others believe that education develops a child's individuality. I agree with this statement to some extent. This essay will examine how children develop their personality as a person and a worker.

Firstly, Ithink that when parents send their children to school, they believe that their children will learn moral values from their teacher, which is beneficial for them to establish themselves as good people. Moreover, school introduces cultural values to the student which is shared by society, and teaches them how to deal with people of different background. Also, these institutions teach the rules and regulations of the country. As a result of this, it builds and develops a sense of belonging to the nation.

Furthermore, schools teach discipline, which turns children into effective workers. Moreover, they interact with many classmates which brings holistic development, so they learn teamwork, sportmanship, gain valuable experience, and learn good communication skills which leads to high morale and productivity. School also encourages them to succeed in the job market. For example, it is reported in jobs and career wednesday magazine that students learn interpersonal and formal skills at school.

While some argue that schools develop students to establish themselves as individuals like if complete complete their assignment it helps them to discover their potential.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) After this, school also teaches them what is right and wrong. To add to this, teachers help children to understand their strengths and improve their weaknesses. It also builds confidence among them through co-curricular activities or lessons.

In conclusion, it is clear that schools change a teenager into a good citizen and competitive worker. It is also true that skills are taught through various subjects, activities and sports, so all these benefit them in the future as an individual or good citizen or employee.
gurjeet kaur
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2016 9:25 am

Re: Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by gurjeet kaur »

Thank you for your reply mam....
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please david sir kindly access my writing task 2

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

First main paragraph - I find it sad that parents do not teach their children morals ... or do they? If so, your argument may be weakened. Do schools really spend much time teaching law? Not in any country I have been to!

Second main paragraph - Why can't kids learn these things outside school? The overwhelming majority of kids I know say that schools utterly fail to teach them these things you mention. The inclusion of the last sentence makes no sense to me.

Third main paragraph - Just a jumble of sentences, I'm afraid. No clear topic sentence.

Conclusion - Highly overgeneralised. Why are some teenagers unemployed when they leave school?

I suspect that what has happened here is that you have failed to include essential words such as modals and adverbs of frequency and degree. Without these, the essay reads very badly and barel makes sense.

All the best,
David
Post Reply