Hey friends,
Please evaluate and grade my essay.
Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Response: With a variety of products available in market, companies today advertise their products to maximize their sales irrespective of whether customer requires it or no. However, to face fierce competition, companies need various strategies like adverts for survival and finally achieving their goals for profit maximization. Hence, it is disagreed that adverts influence the masses to buy products that they do not require. In fact, it creates awareness among consumer about various options to buy goods. Also, there is an increase in disposable income of people which has changed their lifestyle thus ultimately; buying behavior has altered significantly.
Today, consumers have varied range of options to purchase the product which held true with advertisements through various mediums. For instance, people now can choose one product from different television brands like Videocon, Samsung or LG. As this example makes clear that consumers are aware of so many options in range of products because of adverts which has ultimately benefited both in quality and monetary terms.
Further, the lifestyle of the people is changing since the increase in the disposable income. For example, owning a luxurious and expensive car like BMW or Mercedes or Audi, this exhibits status and living standards of people which is changing over a period of time. This is possible as people now hold higher positions in corporate world with higher package. All this shows that now people are keen on purchasing high end products to maintain status quo.
Therefore, it can be concluded that adverts have given people choices to choose their desired goods since there is an increase in quality of life, salaries and more of an awareness. It is recommended that advert play vital role in educating masses on different goods.
please grade my essay - giving exam on 5th apr
Re: please grade my essay - giving exam on 5th apr
Hi friends,
Another essay type, please grade.
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
There has always been a debate, whether people are talented by birth or are they been trained to be successful in areas like sports, art or music. However, it is not only about born talented but takes focus and hard work to be successful. Will be discussing both point of views and accordingly opinion will be drawn after careful consideration.
On the one hand, some people are excellent performers with skills that they exhibit since their tender age. For instance, Mr. Amitabh Bacchan, superstar is born talented as he has never taken any training on acting skills. His versatility can be very well experienced in his movies and he is megastar of the Bollywood industry. His voice intonation, charisma is not hidden to the world. This example clearly shows that there are people who are born talented and it takes little or no training to be a performer.
On the other hand, there are children who are been trained to perform well in the field of sports or music. For example, Mr. Sachin Tendulkar has been trained in cricket and with years of training he has been an outstanding performer in sports thus, making record breaking runs to beat other country’s performers. As this shows that with training and guidance a person can excel in the area that he is specialized.
In conclusion, there are certain people who are born with qualities whereas, certain people are trained to be successful in different areas of sport, art or music. In my opinion, all it takes is the focus, determination and perseverance to achieve success in any field.
Another essay type, please grade.
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
There has always been a debate, whether people are talented by birth or are they been trained to be successful in areas like sports, art or music. However, it is not only about born talented but takes focus and hard work to be successful. Will be discussing both point of views and accordingly opinion will be drawn after careful consideration.
On the one hand, some people are excellent performers with skills that they exhibit since their tender age. For instance, Mr. Amitabh Bacchan, superstar is born talented as he has never taken any training on acting skills. His versatility can be very well experienced in his movies and he is megastar of the Bollywood industry. His voice intonation, charisma is not hidden to the world. This example clearly shows that there are people who are born talented and it takes little or no training to be a performer.
On the other hand, there are children who are been trained to perform well in the field of sports or music. For example, Mr. Sachin Tendulkar has been trained in cricket and with years of training he has been an outstanding performer in sports thus, making record breaking runs to beat other country’s performers. As this shows that with training and guidance a person can excel in the area that he is specialized.
In conclusion, there are certain people who are born with qualities whereas, certain people are trained to be successful in different areas of sport, art or music. In my opinion, all it takes is the focus, determination and perseverance to achieve success in any field.
-
allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: please grade my essay - giving exam on 5th apr
HI,
I am not going to correct or grade your essay.
I just read the second essay and I want to point out a task response problem.
The question mentionened:"it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.". Please pay attention to the word "any". This means" every child can be taught to...". But in your essay, you just say:"some people can...". Generally, you didn't answer the question.
I am not going to correct or grade your essay.
I just read the second essay and I want to point out a task response problem.
The question mentionened:"it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.". Please pay attention to the word "any". This means" every child can be taught to...". But in your essay, you just say:"some people can...". Generally, you didn't answer the question.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Re: please grade my essay - giving exam on 5th apr
With a variety of products available in( the )market, companies today advertise their products to maximize their sales irrespective of whether customer requires it or no (not). However, to face fierce competition, companies need various strategies like adverts for survival and finally achieving their goals for profit maximization. Hence, it is disagreed that adverts influence the masses to buy products that they do not require. In fact, it creates awareness among consumer about various options to buy goods. Also, there is an increase in disposable income of people which has changed their lifestyle thus ultimately;( why semi-colon here?) buying behavior has altered significantly. ( big introdcution, try to be short ,maximum 4 sentences and 50-60 words. dont go beyond that, if it's like this then the examiner may not come to a conclusion about your intro,)
Today, consumers have varied( various) range of options to purchase the product(s) which held true with advertisements through various mediums. For instance, people now can choose one product from different television brands like Videocon, Samsung or LG. As this example makes clear that consumers are aware of so many options in range of products because of adverts which has ultimately benefited both in quality and monetary terms. ( i can see here your topic is "range of options available through ads ", but sentences are not flawless)
Further, the lifestyle of the people is changing since the increase in the disposable income. For example, owning a luxurious and expensive car like BMW or Mercedes or Audi, this exhibits status and living standards of people which is changing over a period of time. This is possible as people now hold higher positions in corporate world with higher package. All this shows that now people are keen on purchasing high end products to maintain status quo. ( after reading this para,I felt the question could be " why people's way of life is changing", easiest way is if you read answer then you should make question similar to the essay question, that gives you good task response.)
Therefore, it can be concluded that adverts have given people choices to choose their desired goods since there is an increase in quality of life, salaries and more of an awareness. It is recommended that advert play vital role in educating masses on different goods. ( whether advertising gave any useful information about products to the society, I think you partly answered the question, that may lead band 5.5 -6, but I am not sure)
many repeated words , try not to repeat
people 7
products 5
adverts 4
goods 3
now 3
options 3
increase 3
various 3
companies 2
masses 2
ultimately 2
status 2
quality 2
lifestyle 2
choose 2
different 2
changing 2
range 2
buy 2
today 2
consumers 2
awareness 2
disposable 2
example 2
product 2
higher 2
income 2
Durai
Today, consumers have varied( various) range of options to purchase the product(s) which held true with advertisements through various mediums. For instance, people now can choose one product from different television brands like Videocon, Samsung or LG. As this example makes clear that consumers are aware of so many options in range of products because of adverts which has ultimately benefited both in quality and monetary terms. ( i can see here your topic is "range of options available through ads ", but sentences are not flawless)
Further, the lifestyle of the people is changing since the increase in the disposable income. For example, owning a luxurious and expensive car like BMW or Mercedes or Audi, this exhibits status and living standards of people which is changing over a period of time. This is possible as people now hold higher positions in corporate world with higher package. All this shows that now people are keen on purchasing high end products to maintain status quo. ( after reading this para,I felt the question could be " why people's way of life is changing", easiest way is if you read answer then you should make question similar to the essay question, that gives you good task response.)
Therefore, it can be concluded that adverts have given people choices to choose their desired goods since there is an increase in quality of life, salaries and more of an awareness. It is recommended that advert play vital role in educating masses on different goods. ( whether advertising gave any useful information about products to the society, I think you partly answered the question, that may lead band 5.5 -6, but I am not sure)
many repeated words , try not to repeat
people 7
products 5
adverts 4
goods 3
now 3
options 3
increase 3
various 3
companies 2
masses 2
ultimately 2
status 2
quality 2
lifestyle 2
choose 2
different 2
changing 2
range 2
buy 2
today 2
consumers 2
awareness 2
disposable 2
example 2
product 2
higher 2
income 2
Durai
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Re: please grade my essay - giving exam on 5th apr
There has always been a debate, whether people have inborn talent(are talented by birth) or are they been trained to be successful in areas like sports, art(s) or music. However, it is not only about born talent(ed )but (takes, not required) focus and hard work are also essential to be successful. This essay will be discuss(ing) both point of views and (accordingly opinion will be drawn after careful consideration) offers writer's conclusion at the end.
On the one hand, some people are excellent performers with skills that they exhibit since their tender age. For instance, Mr. Amitabh Bacchan, superstar (remove this "is born talented as he") has never taken any training on acting skills. His versatility can be very well experienced in his movies(,) and he is megastar of the Bollywood industry. His voice intonation, charisma is not hidden to the world. This example clearly shows that there are people who are (born) talented from their time of conception, and it takes little or no training to be a performer.
On the other hand, there are (some )children who (are)have been trained to perform well in the field of sports or music. For example, Mr. Sachin Tendulkar has been trained to play cricket and (with years of training he has been an) regarded as an outstanding performer in the game of cricket because he scored record breaking runs against different teams the world over. ("Thus, making record breaking runs to beat other country’s performers" not required). As this shows that with (appropriate )training and guidance a person can excel in the area that (he is specialized.)the person is interested.
In conclusion, there are certain people who are born with qualities whereas,(no comma) certain people (are) have trained to be successful in different areas of sport, art or music. In my opinion, ("all it takes is the" remove this) focus, determination and perseverance are basic requirement to achieve success in any field.
check repeated words
people 5
talented 4
trained 4
born 4
training 4
takes 3
sports 3
music 3
successful 3
performer 2
hand 2
field 2
example 2
opinion 2
art 2
well 2
areas 2
skills 2
performers 2
focus 2
shows 2
certain 2
what Allen said was correct , you need to mention whether any child can be taught to be a sports or arts person..if you agree then you need to convince reader.
better here is to disagree, then say that many students studying but only a few excel in their studies. likewise, training can be given but making them as a talent is up to the person.
Good luck :
Durai
On the one hand, some people are excellent performers with skills that they exhibit since their tender age. For instance, Mr. Amitabh Bacchan, superstar (remove this "is born talented as he") has never taken any training on acting skills. His versatility can be very well experienced in his movies(,) and he is megastar of the Bollywood industry. His voice intonation, charisma is not hidden to the world. This example clearly shows that there are people who are (born) talented from their time of conception, and it takes little or no training to be a performer.
On the other hand, there are (some )children who (are)have been trained to perform well in the field of sports or music. For example, Mr. Sachin Tendulkar has been trained to play cricket and (with years of training he has been an) regarded as an outstanding performer in the game of cricket because he scored record breaking runs against different teams the world over. ("Thus, making record breaking runs to beat other country’s performers" not required). As this shows that with (appropriate )training and guidance a person can excel in the area that (he is specialized.)the person is interested.
In conclusion, there are certain people who are born with qualities whereas,(no comma) certain people (are) have trained to be successful in different areas of sport, art or music. In my opinion, ("all it takes is the" remove this) focus, determination and perseverance are basic requirement to achieve success in any field.
check repeated words
people 5
talented 4
trained 4
born 4
training 4
takes 3
sports 3
music 3
successful 3
performer 2
hand 2
field 2
example 2
opinion 2
art 2
well 2
areas 2
skills 2
performers 2
focus 2
shows 2
certain 2
what Allen said was correct , you need to mention whether any child can be taught to be a sports or arts person..if you agree then you need to convince reader.
better here is to disagree, then say that many students studying but only a few excel in their studies. likewise, training can be given but making them as a talent is up to the person.
Good luck :
Durai
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Re: please grade my essay - giving exam on 5th apr
Thank you Allen and Durai for your valuable feedback. With 3 days in my hand how do I go ahead with further development in my writing. Can you please advise me.
Is my discuss both views and opinion related intro in my above essay is incorrect particularly in opinion sentence. How I can respond giving my opinion in introduction could you please let me know. As I have been finding Ryan's video in this type of essay but can't get it.
Thanks a lot.
Is my discuss both views and opinion related intro in my above essay is incorrect particularly in opinion sentence. How I can respond giving my opinion in introduction could you please let me know. As I have been finding Ryan's video in this type of essay but can't get it.
Thanks a lot.