General Writing Task 2 : The role of education

[ygpark2]

The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology

To what extent do you agree


The main purpose of education is to raise children for a competent individual in the rapidly changing modern world. In that process, the educational institutes are encouraged to abandon some of the subjects which are largely regarded as useless such as art and music. However, I believe that those subjects are really crucial to nurture children more mature and accountable.


First of all, as the influence of information technology is increasingly powerful, schools tend to value highly on the subjects which are deemed useful in the modern society while neglecting or remove music or art from the formal educational course. Such educational policy should be banned as soon as possible because those subjects prove that they are actually contributing hugely to human mental development which is quite important part of education. For example, the art class that I took in my high school leave a big impression to me, since it teach me the way to see the situation or object in different angles.


Secondly, nobody deny the fact that a human being is an emotional creature. In out daily lives, people are constantly affected by their emotion in a variety of manners. Accordingly, art and music which are believed to be essential subjects to develop and train human mind or emotion should gain their due recognition in education system. If we do not pay attention to foster those subjects, it is inevitable that there are majority of people, who are intellectually outstanding but lack of sympathy or emotions, in our society.


In conclusion, it is understandable that many people strive to find a way to make their kids more capable in competing each other. However, if we only focus on developing our children's practical knowledge in modern world, we might end up with a result which there are many inhuman people who are technically capable in our society.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

... raise children to be competent individuals ...

The use of 'accountable' in the introduction is not supported in the rest of the essay.

I really like the idea behind the second main paragraph.

The problem is that you haven't really shown why arts are more important then extra classes in tech subjects.

Grammar is weak, but vocabulary is quite good.

All the best,
David