pls evaluate my essay!! thank you (Task2)

[rairaichan0323]

Some parents believe that it is good for children spend time on watching TV and computer games; but other parents believe that they should spend time on doing something else such as reading books.
Agree or disagree with above statement.

In the present age, children have many different ways to spend their free time such as watching TV, playing computer games or reading books. Some parents argue that it is good for children to spend time on watching TV and computer games while many others contend that spending time on doing something else is better for them. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that descendants should spend more time on doing something else like reading books rather than watching TV and computer games. The reasons for this are twofold.

First of all, it is undeniable fact that reading books will help the children to acquire their academic knowledge. For example, they can understand the history of the country or learn more vocabularies through reading books. This makes it clear that the students can gain various educations by books. This is, therefore, one of the main reasons why I refute the young people to watch TV and play games on the computer.

Secondly and even more importantly, spending time on watching TV and computer games will be detrimental the youngsters’ mental development. For instance, the children alienate themselves from others as they spend too much time on TV or computer games rather than relate to people in the real world. Thus, this isolated lifestyle may have a negative influence on their psychological development. This is another reason I agree they should do other activities.

In conclusion, following analyzation offspring can be more knowledgeable by reading books as well as watching TV and playing games will damage their psychological soundness. It is clear that the youths should do other activities in their leisure time. I believe that they can benefit from it.

[andytruong1202]

Some parents believe that it is good for children spend time on watching TV and computer games; but other parents believe that they should spend time on doing something else such as reading books.
Agree or disagree with above statement.

In the present age, children have many different ways to spend their free time such as watching TV, playing computer games or reading books. Some parents argue that it is good for children to spend time on watching TV andplaying computer games while many others contend that spending time on doing something else is better for them. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that teenagers should spend more time on doing something else like reading books rather than watching TV and playing computer games. There are two reasons for this.

First of all, it is an undeniable fact that reading books will help the children to acquire their academic knowledge. For example, reading books can help children understand the history of a country or learn more vocabulary by reading books (This is an explanation, not an example. ). This makes it clear that students can be educated by books. This is, therefore, one of the main reasons why I discourage young people to watch TV and play games on the computer while you didn't mention TV or games in this paragraph, how can you come to this conclusion?.

Secondly and even more importantly, spending time on watching TV and playing computer games will be detrimental to the youngsters’ mental development. For instance, the children alienate themselves from others as they spend too much time on TV or computer games rather than communicating with people in the real world. Thus, this isolated lifestyle may have a negative influence on the children's psychological development. This is another reason I agree that children should do other activities rather than enjoying entertainment.

Following the above analysis, children can be more knowledgeable by reading books. However, watching TV and playing games might damage their psychological soundness. It is clear that the youth should do other activities in their leisure time. I believe that they can benefit from those activities.

. (you should make a recommendation instead.)

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[rairaichan0323]

thank you!

i just want to ask how i can make a good example. i often have a problem of making example.
if i write down like as this, then is it better?
" For example, children can learn more vocabulary by reading books "

and also for the last sentence of first paragraph, i want to link this topic to my thesis. how i can do it? please share ur idea with me. thank you

" This is, therefore, one of the main reasons why I discourage young people to watch TV and play games on the computer "

[andytruong1202]

thank you!

i just want to ask how i can make a good example. i often have a problem of making example.
if i write down like as this, then is it better?
" For example, children can learn more vocabulary by reading books "

yes, this is fine.

and also for the last sentence of first paragraph, i want to link this topic to my thesis. how i can do it? please share ur idea with me. thank you

" This is, therefore, one of the main reasons why I discourage young people to watch TV and play games on the computer "

you should refer to the time being used for reading instead of watching TV.