Please evaluate my writing part 2- my test date on 25 June

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schedup
Posts: 26
Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2016 6:11 am

Please evaluate my writing part 2- my test date on 25 June

Post by schedup »

Some people think that having to set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age.
Do you agree or disagree?
Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

Recently, there are hot debates on whether there is need for revisiting on the superannuation age. Definitely, there are many grievance raised for the current retirement age set in blanket. It has been observed that there is need for certain category of workers, especially the armed forces such as armies, navies and air force, to become pensioner at an earlier age. With such opportunity, they will stay fit and also be able to regain the lost opportunities, which I will discuss these areas in my essay.

Firstly, in the context of armed force personals, their life has been harsh from the day one they join the services. Not to mention about the risk of losing life, they have been dragged from one place to another. So, it is critical for them to be physically fit for such tasks though there are need for complementing with the skills and knowledge. Thus, it has become challenging when they becomes older, unlike any other professions. Therefore, there is need for them to take break from the services and continue their remaining life more peacefully like everyone enjoys.

Secondly, it is also an opportunity for them to experience the life that they have not been able to enjoy because of their nature of duties. Upon their early retirement, they could go around the world while they are still having the quest for fun. Thus, it is required to repay for their lost opportunities.

In conclusion, it is absolutely unfair to set the retirement age, regardless of the occupations. Therefore, there is need to have provision for certain category of workers like that of armed forces, to take earlier retirement and enjoy the remaining life.
schedup
Posts: 26
Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2016 6:11 am

Re: Please evaluate my writing part 2- my test date on 25 June

Post by schedup »

Dear all,

I would like to request you all to kindly assess my writings. My exam is on 25th June 2016.

Thank you for spending your time.

regards,
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Flick
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Grammar Checker
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please evaluate my writing part 2- my test date on 25 June

Post by Flick »

schedup wrote:Some people think that having to set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age.
Do you agree or disagree?
Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

Recently, there have been heated debates on whether there is need to revisit the superannuation age. Definitely, there are many grievance raised for the current retirement age set in blanket.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) It has been observed that there is need for certain categories of workers, especially the armed forces, to have an earlier retirement age. With such opportunity, they will stay fit and also be able to regain the lost opportunities, which I will discuss these areas in my essay.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

Firstly, in the context of armed force personnel, their working lives have been harsh from the day they joined the services. Aside from the risk of death, they have been dragged from one place to another. So, it is critical for them to be physically fit for such tasks, as well as having other necessary skills and knowledge. Thus, it becomes challenging when they get older, unlike any other profession. Therefore, there is need for them to retire from the services and continue their remaining life more peacefully.

Secondly, it is also an opportunity for them to experience the life that they have not been able to enjoy because of the nature of their work. Upon early retirement, they could travel the world while they are still young. Thus, it is required to repay for their lost opportunities.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)

In conclusion, it is absolutely unfair to set the retirement age, regardless of the occupation. Therefore, there is need to have provisions for certain categories of workers, like the armed forces, to take earlier retirement and enjoy their remaining life.
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