please review my GT task 2

[DJvj]

Topic:-
Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems
as well as benefits.

Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
***************
Social awareness has been increased in recent past. People are easily connecting with the public figures through various networking tools like Facebook, twitter etc. and get to know about them and vice-a-versa. Some people think that being a celebrity brings lot of benefits. However, some thinks it poses few challenges as well .This essay will discuss both viewpoints before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Being a public figures is not so easy comparatively due to the rise in the competition. Increased media attention and huge fan base sometimes offers some challenges too. Public can invade into their privacy and makes it difficult for spare time with their families or loved ones. For instance, celebrity can't walk freely in a shopping mall as people may start chasing them. Secondly, celebrities have to be very careful while making a comment as people can misinterpret which could invite trouble for them. Thirdly, People expect always a good performance from them in their field and incase if they fail to deliver than it can impact their stature.

On the other side of it, being a celebrity brings lots of benefits as well. Firstly, People consider them as their role models and follows them. They could be source of inspirations. This eventually increase their fan following and brings more fame and money in a short span of money. For instance, Bollywood star Shahrukh khan is one among the richest celebrity in the world. Secondly, they are big source of entertainment for the public which adds up their recognition worldwide. Thirdly, they are even used by companies to endorse their products so that they can reach to a wider audience.

To conclude, I believe being a celebrity always benefits an individual. However, one should learn the trait of being perfect in their field with consistent being a key so that they can excel well and set examples for young generation to follow.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

On the one hand, you have introduced some good points, but you often haven't developed them (e.g. product endorsement) and you haven't explained why the benefits outweigh the problems.

There is some very good vocabulary (e.g. stature). The range of grammar is a little limited and there are some basic errors (e.g. However some thinkS).

Overall, a mixed essay, but I think that you could easily make it better.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Topic:-
Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems
as well as benefits.

Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
***************
Social awareness has increased in the recent past. People are easily connecting with public figures through various networking tools like Facebook, Twitter, etc. and getting to know about them and vice versa. Some people think that being a celebrity brings many benefits. However, some think it poses challenges as well. This essay will discuss both viewpoints before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

Being a public figure is not easy comparatively due to the rise in competition. Increased media attention and a huge fan base sometimes offer some challenges, too. The public can invade their privacy and make it difficult to spend time with their families or loved ones. For instance, a celebrity can't walk freely in a shopping mall as people may start chasing them. Secondly, celebrities have to be very careful while making comments as people can misinterpret the meaning, which could invite trouble for them. Thirdly, people always expect a good performance from celebrities in their field, and if they fail to deliver, then it can impact their reputation.

On the other side of it, being a celebrity brings lots of benefits, as well. Firstly, people consider them as their role models and follow them. They could be a source of inspiration. This eventually increases their fan following and brings more fame and money in a short span of time. For instance, Bollywood star Shahrukh Khan is one of the richest celebrities in the world. Secondly, they are a major source of entertainment for the public, which increases their recognition worldwide. Thirdly, they are even used by companies to endorse their products so they can reach a wider audience.

To conclude, I believe being a celebrity always benefits an individual. However, one should learn the trait of being perfect in their field with consistency being a key so that they can excel and set examples for the younger generation to follow.