Please help me on my writing task 2 - Part-time jobs

[schedup]

Q. While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure.
How do you fell about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision?

Today, it is common for most of the people to undertake part-time works to ease their financial burdens while they are studying. Though there are clear indication of advantages, some critics are of the view that having indulged in such jobs would have implication on the quality of their studies. Both the views will be discussed in this essay.

Looking at the current trend, most of the pupils engaged themselves with the part-time jobs. There are evidences where they were able to make enough money for their coming semester’s tuition fee, apart from meeting their daily expenses. Therefore, such opportunities can immensely benefit the individuals who are financially disadvantage. In addition, by participating in such jobs, they would also gain work experience, even if it is not much related to their course of studies, they will have fair knowledge on the working environment.

On the other hand, many argue that engaging in part-time jobs would hamper the quality of their studies. Particularly, if one had enrolled in a difficult courses that would require more efforts, it would be extremely difficult for them to concentrate on their studies after their tiring jobs. In a way, the students may have to compromise the quality time for their studies. For instance, they may have to differ the submission of the assignments or submit with inferior quality. Therefore, it is clear why some observers gravitate towards this point of view.

It is shown from the above analysis that there are clear benefits as well as drawbacks for letting the students to take part in part-time jobs. As the coin has two sides, the individuals should weigh the pros and cons. It is also dependent on other factors such as availability of the financial supports or the type of courses the persons registered with. In conclusion, I am of the view that the interested individuals should not be barred from such opportunities where they can gain work experiences beside the financial gains.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Not a bad essay, but very basic. You look at the fundamental arguments but fail to assess their validity or look at various situations.

Grammar and vocabulary are good, but there is limited range, partly because of the fairly simplistic way the arguments are presented.

Note that the conclusion is the same length as the main paragraphs.

All the best,
David

[schedup]

Hi David,

Thank you very much for the comments. I would take it to enhance my future writings. Really appreciated.

regards,

[Flick]

Q. While studying some students take weekend or evening jobs to help with expenditure.
How do you fell about this? What are the drawbacks and benefits of such a decision?

Today, it is common for many students to undertake part-time work to ease their financial burdens while they are studying. Though there are clear indication of advantages, some critics are of the opinion that having indulged in such jobs would have a negative impact on the quality of their studies. Both views will be discussed in this essay.

Looking at the current trend, many pupils engage in part-time jobs. There is evidence that they are able to make enough money for their coming semester’s tuition fees, on top of meeting their daily expenses. Therefore, such opportunities can immensely benefit the individuals who are financially disadvantaged. In addition, by participating in such jobs, they also gain work experience. Even if it is not related to their course of studies, they will have fair knowledge of the working environment.

On the other hand, many argue that engaging in part-time jobs would hamper the quality of their studies. Particularly if one had enrolled in a difficult courses that would require more effort, it would be extremely difficult for them to concentrate on their studies after their tiring jobs. In a way, the students may have to compromise their quality time for their studies. For instance, they may have to differ the submission(<-- I don't understand what this means.) of the assignments or submit with inferior quality. Therefore, it is clear why some observers gravitate towards this point of view.

It is shown from the above analysis that there are clear benefits as well as drawbacks for letting students take on part-time jobs. As the coin has two sides, the individuals should weigh the pros and cons. It is also dependent on other factors such as availability of financial support or the type of course the student is undergoing. In conclusion, I am of the view that the interested individuals should not be barred from such opportunities where they can gain work experience beside the financial gains.