Please assess my writing (WRITING TASK 1) Thank you

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Pheedes
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Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 3:48 am

Please assess my writing (WRITING TASK 1) Thank you

Post by Pheedes »

The graph compares the number of tourists in three museums—British Museum, Science Museum, and Natural History Museum, from June to September in 2013. It can be seen that there was a similar trend in Science Museum and Natural History Museum.

Looking at the details, as regards Science Museum, number of visitors in June started at 400,000. There was a gradual decrease of 25% within the next two months. Afterwards, it substantially went up by half of its previous number, reaching its highest point at approximately 450,000 in September. With respect to Natural History Museum, a similar trend with noticeable exception from july to august was noted on the quantity of tourists. Having more than 500,000 at the beginning, it dropped by less than 20% in one month, at which point it levelled off at just under 400,000 until August. Then the figure moderately rose, finishing at a little below 500,000.

As for British Museum, it went in the opposite direction. The figures of people visiting the said infrastructure increasingly fluctuated for four months from 600,000 to less than 700,000.

In comparison, although Science Museum and Natural History Museum has the same trend, at the end, both British Museum and Science museum had a 15% increase on number of visitors with approximately 650,000 and 450,000 respectively. While Natural History Museum experienced a total loss of 15%.
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please assess my writing (WRITING TASK 1) Thank you

Post by Flick »

Pheedes wrote:The graph compares the number of tourists visiting three museums—British Museum, Science Museum, and Natural History Museum, from June to September in 2013. It can be seen that there was a similar trend in visits to the Science Museum and Natural History Museum.

Looking at the details, as regards Science Museum, the number of visitors in June started at 400,000. There was a gradual decrease of 25% over the next two months. Afterwards, visits substantially increased, reaching its highest point at approximately 450,000 visitors per month in September. With respect to Natural History Museum, a similar trend with noticeable exception from July to August was noted. Having more than 500,000 in June, this number dropped to just under 400,000 until August. Then the figure moderately rose, finishing at a little below 500,000 in September.

As for British Museum, it went in the opposite direction. The number of people visiting museum increased from 600,000 in June to more than 700,000 in July.

In comparison, although Science Museum and Natural History Museum followed a similar trend, at the end, both British Museum and Science museum had a 15% increase on the number of visitors with approximately 650,000 and 450,000 in September respectively, while Natural History Museum experienced a total loss of 15%.
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