Universities should allocate the same amount of money to their sport activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree or disagree?
Today money is playing an important part in people live, this can be seen on the way of how these people or organization spend this money carefully, it is agree that universities must indicate an equal amount of money for physical activities as for libraries, these can be shown by looking at how students interest in physical practice and how sport machines and equipment can make money for universities.
First, students are often interest in sport activities than going to library. For example, in my university, it is estimated that the numbers of students who used the gym room to practice daily is 250 students, while those who use the library to study is 50 students only, this example clearly show that student are more into physical activities instead of going to library, therefore university should allocate the same amount of money for sport activity to favor that huge number.
Second, university can gain satisfactory amount of money by renting the machines and equipment for non university members, For example, Asia Pacific University always rents their sports equipment for other universities student and individuals with very high price, these example shows that universities can make money with sport equipment and this will have an extremely benefit to the university as whole, thus, all university has to spend equally for spot activity and library and these money will defiantly retains back double.
To sum up, university student prefer to do physical practice than studying at library and also college can gain rewarding money by renting their sport properties, so university must allocate the equal amount of money for both physical activities and library, it is hope universities spends their money wisely and favor both side.
please review my essay task 2
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
- Posts: 1371
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am
Re: please review my essay task 2
Hello!
An interesting question! However, it can be a difficult one as I bet most people have no idea how much money is allocated to these two facilities.
Overall, I found your points weak. This is probably because you are unfamiliar with the budgets already allocated to libraries and sports at universities (as am I!). In the first paragraph, you say that sports are MORE popular, therefore the budgets should be EQUAL. That doesn't make sense! If sports facilities can make money, why do they need a subsidy in the first place?
Your conclusion is what in English is called 'wishy-washy'. This means that it is very general and doesn't really conclude anything.
Grammar and vocabulary are not very good, e.g. an extremely benefit, into physical activities (too informal), defiantly retains back double.
All the best,
David
An interesting question! However, it can be a difficult one as I bet most people have no idea how much money is allocated to these two facilities.
Overall, I found your points weak. This is probably because you are unfamiliar with the budgets already allocated to libraries and sports at universities (as am I!). In the first paragraph, you say that sports are MORE popular, therefore the budgets should be EQUAL. That doesn't make sense! If sports facilities can make money, why do they need a subsidy in the first place?
Your conclusion is what in English is called 'wishy-washy'. This means that it is very general and doesn't really conclude anything.
Grammar and vocabulary are not very good, e.g. an extremely benefit, into physical activities (too informal), defiantly retains back double.
All the best,
David
Re: please review my essay task 2
Thank you David for reviewing my essay, in fact that was my first writing attempt and i can see that i need to practice more especially on reasoning, grammar and vocabulary. today i wrote an essay and i really worked hard with it so please review it for many and give me some instruction.
thank you again
Ali
thank you again
Ali
Re: please review my essay task 2
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Since the dawn of time people are more concerned of developing their conventional skills and lifestyle, this can be clearly seen on the industrial revolution that took place on the last century which has great impact on people traditional skills and ways of life, it is agreed that the improvement in country technology will result on elimination the conventional skill and culture, and there is no need to put it on use again, this will be proven by looking at how technology have improved people ways of transportation and how it developed human method of production.
First, the traditional way of transportation have evaluated over the past 100 years, for example, people used to travel on animals like donkeys but now they took modern transportation such as airplanes, from this example traveling on animals could be exhausting and time consuming, however, modern transportation is rather fast and convenient, therefore conventional way of transportation will not be used any longer and it will be replaced with the most advance method.
Second, the industrial revolution shifted the method of production 180 degrees, For instance, BMW cars factory in Germany used to run its manufactory with conventional way by hiring skillful workers, but currently they replaced them with automation and robotics to increase its production, this example shows that skillful labors are extremely slow and not accurate and efficient compare to automation and robotic, thus the traditional way of production have no place on the modern lifestyle and technology took it place.
In conclusion, people Transportation style have been developed as well as the way of production, it is strongly agreed that the improvement of any country technology will lead to replace the old lifestyle and conventional skills with the most advance technology, it is predicted that country technology with growth much further on the foreseeable future.
Since the dawn of time people are more concerned of developing their conventional skills and lifestyle, this can be clearly seen on the industrial revolution that took place on the last century which has great impact on people traditional skills and ways of life, it is agreed that the improvement in country technology will result on elimination the conventional skill and culture, and there is no need to put it on use again, this will be proven by looking at how technology have improved people ways of transportation and how it developed human method of production.
First, the traditional way of transportation have evaluated over the past 100 years, for example, people used to travel on animals like donkeys but now they took modern transportation such as airplanes, from this example traveling on animals could be exhausting and time consuming, however, modern transportation is rather fast and convenient, therefore conventional way of transportation will not be used any longer and it will be replaced with the most advance method.
Second, the industrial revolution shifted the method of production 180 degrees, For instance, BMW cars factory in Germany used to run its manufactory with conventional way by hiring skillful workers, but currently they replaced them with automation and robotics to increase its production, this example shows that skillful labors are extremely slow and not accurate and efficient compare to automation and robotic, thus the traditional way of production have no place on the modern lifestyle and technology took it place.
In conclusion, people Transportation style have been developed as well as the way of production, it is strongly agreed that the improvement of any country technology will lead to replace the old lifestyle and conventional skills with the most advance technology, it is predicted that country technology with growth much further on the foreseeable future.
Re: please review my essay task 2
ali15 wrote:When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Since the dawn of time, people have been more concerned with developing their conventional skills and lifestyle. This can be clearly seen in the industrial revolution that took place in the last century which has had a great impact on people's traditional skills and ways of life. It is agreed that the improvement in technology will result in the elimination of conventional skills and culture, and there is no need to put it on use again,(<--I don't understand this sentence.) This will be proven by looking at how technology has improved methods of transportation and how developed faster methods of production.
First, the traditional methods of transportation have evolved over the past 100 years. For example, people used to travel on animals like donkeys, but now there are modern transportation methods such as airplanes. Traveling on animals was exhausting and time consuming, whereas modern transportation is fast and convenient, Therefore the traditional methods of transportation will not be used any longer and will be replaced with the most advanced methods.
Second, the industrial revolution shifted the method of production 180 degrees. For instance, the BMW car factory in Germany used to run its factory by hiring skillful workers. However, nowadays they have been replaced with automation and robotics to increase production. This example shows that skilled labor is extremely slow, inaccurate and inefficient compared to automation and robotics, thus the traditional way of production has no place in the modern lifestyle and technology has replaced it.
In conclusion, transportation has been developed as well as methods of production. It is strongly agreed that the improvement of any country's technology will lead to replacing the old lifestyle and conventional skills with the most advanced technology. It is predicted that technology will continue to improve in the foreseeable future.
Re: please review my essay task 2
Thank you Flick for checking my essay i really appreciate that, from the above essay i can see that i am very weak on grammar and i need to work hard with it.
From my essay could you tell me that is my introduction, 2 body paragraph and conclusion are ok or do i need to improve them, also the 2 points that i provided do they make sense or no
Thank you
From my essay could you tell me that is my introduction, 2 body paragraph and conclusion are ok or do i need to improve them, also the 2 points that i provided do they make sense or no
Thank you
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
- Posts: 1371
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am
Re: please review my essay task 2
Hello!
I think that you have REALLY overgeneralised the arguments in this essay, even to the point of making key errors!
My first point is small, but does indicate that you are moving in the wrong direction. Camels are still used in desert areas of Arabia and the Sahara. More generally, people don't always automatically choose the fastest method of transport. Many people travel by bus or by train rather than by air because it is cheaper.
Moving to the next paragraph, this is where you make fundamental errors that are even more serious. BMW actually does employ highly skilled workers. Some jobs can't be done so well by robots ... and who do you think creates those robots, programmes them and maintains them? To put it simply, why do you think a robotic engineer with an MA is not 'highly skilled'?!
In addition, there are car manufacturers that make cars by hand for elite collectors/buyers. This reflects a trend in modern society for a 'return' to traditional manufacturing methods. These are skills that are returning, not dying out.
All the best,
David
I think that you have REALLY overgeneralised the arguments in this essay, even to the point of making key errors!
My first point is small, but does indicate that you are moving in the wrong direction. Camels are still used in desert areas of Arabia and the Sahara. More generally, people don't always automatically choose the fastest method of transport. Many people travel by bus or by train rather than by air because it is cheaper.
Moving to the next paragraph, this is where you make fundamental errors that are even more serious. BMW actually does employ highly skilled workers. Some jobs can't be done so well by robots ... and who do you think creates those robots, programmes them and maintains them? To put it simply, why do you think a robotic engineer with an MA is not 'highly skilled'?!
In addition, there are car manufacturers that make cars by hand for elite collectors/buyers. This reflects a trend in modern society for a 'return' to traditional manufacturing methods. These are skills that are returning, not dying out.
All the best,
David