please review my GT task 2

[DJvj]

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to their sport activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree or disagree?

***********************



Nowadays , it is vital for the universities to focus on the extra curricular activities along with the studies which would ensure the overall development of the students. While some people think that there should be a budget allocated in order to promote activities like sports . However, there are few opponents for this idea. This essay will discuss both the viewpoints and provide a reasoned conclusion.

Budgeting will help in planning more effectively .Firstly , it helps in providing them a better infrastructure so that students can compete at the international level . Secondly , it can provide a platform for the students to pursuing sports as their career option which can assist in producing the future athletes. Lastly, It will help students to be physically active which will help them in stay more focused in their studies.

On the other side of the argument, it can offer few challenges as well. Firstly , Students may lose focus due to excessive involvement which could impact their primary objective of attending universities. Secondly , allocating budget for activities like libraries can assist students in their studies to shape up them for future. For instance ,a research student can refer various books and journals which can increase his learning horizon and depth on the subject. Thirdly , a better infrastructure should help them in accessing resources through web.

To conclude, i believe university should reserved some funds for the sports also . This would encourage students to showcase their hidden talent as well and to rejuvenate to maintain a balance.
**********************

[yugu]

Hi DJvj.
Firstly, I think you have a good grasp of the English language. I found many sentences quite well written while I was reading your essay.
But I don't think you have answered the prompt. Your essay is more about advantages and disadvantages of each point.
The question is very precise. Do you agree or not, if sports and libraries would receive the same budget. It is not about , activities like sports, it's about sports. If you want to score high, you need to answer the prompt.

I will try to assess your essay in respect of the criteria of the IELTS band descriptors.
But keep in mind, I am a student like you;-)

Task response:5
Coherence an cohesion:6
Lexical resource:7
Grammatical range and accuracy :7

[DJvj]

Thanks for the feedback ,it's good catch i have been overlooking this by writing advantages for each of the points for this type of essay .

I will keep this pointer in mind.

Really appreciate your help.

[Flick]

Universities should allocate the same amount of money to their sport activities as they allocate to their libraries. Do you agree or disagree?

***********************
Nowadays, it is vital for universities to focus on extra-curricular activities along with studies in order to ensure the overall development of the students. Some people think that there should be a budget allocated in order to promote activities like sports. However, there are a few opponents to this idea. This essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide a reasoned conclusion.

Budgeting will help in planning more effectively. Firstly, it helps in providing a better infrastructure so that students can compete at an international level. Secondly, it can provide a platform for the students pursuing sports as their career, which can assist in producing future athletes. Lastly, it will help students to be physically active, which will help them in stay more focused in their studies.

On the other side of the argument, it can offer a few challenges as well. Firstly, students may lose focus due to excessive involvement which could impact their primary objective of attending university. Secondly, allocating funds for activities like libraries can assist students in their studies to aid their future career. For instance, a research student can refer to various books and journals which can increase his understanding on the subject. Thirdly, a better infrastructure should help them in accessing resources through the web.

To conclude, I believe universities should reserve some funds for sports as well as education. This would encourage students to showcase their hidden talents and to maintain a balance.
**********************