Task 2 - Cars And The City. If anyone is willing to comment...

[levy.omer@gmail.com]

Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in.
For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centers.
To what extent, you agree or disagree?
Write at least 250 words You should use your own ideas.

The urbanization process across the globe in the last century, accompanied by the increase in living standards has created a problem of heavy traffic in city centers. This situation is a source of numerous discomforts and it has an impact on the health of citizens living in these areas. Trying to resolve this problem is an urgent issue. However, most of the solution proposed, including banning private cars from city centers, are controversial and it seems as if no real, definitive, solution can be found.

The roads in the cities were planned decades ago, before cars were so common. Two contrasting processes occur and contribute to aggravate the situation. More people with their cars move into the city and therefore private and public compete on the same territory. Technological advancements are responsible for these processes.

At this point, one should stop and ask oneself whether the problem is the cars or the people who use them. Thinking nostalgically about the past one might suggest going back to horse riding but there is no doubt that the problem would be aggravated by this solution and cities will become more unpleasant. Furthermore, never in history did banning resolve any problem but has only created organized criminality. A comfortable solution is just around the corner in the form of electric cars which are smaller and create less pollution.

In places where people meet rules should be made and therefore selective banning of private cars, according to need and contribute to the situation, would be an immediate and effective measure. Not necessarily the right one.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The question is barely answered. You have not indicated how cars would be selected. I'd be interested to know how organised crime would get involved in the provision of cars in city centres. More people have moved to cities, but cities have got larger.

Overall, ideas are not developed and coherence between ideas and sentences is almost lost. For example 'a number of discomforts' are mentioned but not elaborated on.

This is really a weird essay, because the grammar is essentially perfect and vocabulary appears to be of an extremely high level, yet not used clearly. It's like it was written by a politician!

David

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Ah! I have just looked at your next post where you say you use a grammar checker, so that's cleared up!
D

[levy.omer@gmail.com]

Dear David,

I thank you once more for your comments. Your observation is correct. Though I am no politician, I find it extremely difficult to be understood. This difficulty is not due to misuse of grammar or vocabulary (the website suggests only few corrections), but rather the lack of feedback which you were able to give me.

Comparing my other task 2 to that of rairaichan0115 on the same topic, it seems to me that the same comments are valid also on my second writing. I will try to improve this aspect of my writing and I hope to receive feedback.

Best regards,
Omer

[Flick]

Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in.
For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centers.
To what extent, you agree or disagree?
Write at least 250 words You should use your own ideas.

The urbanization process across the globe in the last century, accompanied by the increase in living standards has created a problem of heavy traffic in city centers. This situation is a source of numerous discomforts, and it has had an impact on the health of citizens living in these areas. Trying to resolve this problem is an urgent issue. However, most of the solutions proposed, including banning private cars from city centers, are controversial and it seems as if no real, definitive solution can be found.

The roads in the cities were planned decades ago, before cars were so common. Two contrasting processes occur and contribute to aggravate the situation. More people have moved into the city and therefore, private and public transport compete on the same territory. Technological advancements are responsible for these processes.

At this point, one should stop and ask oneself whether the problem is the cars or the people who use them. Thinking nostalgically about the past, one might suggest going back to horse riding but there is no doubt that the problem would be aggravated by this solution and cities will become more unpleasant. Furthermore, never in history did banning resolve any problem, but has only created organized crime. A comfortable solution is just around the corner in the form of electric cars which are smaller and create less pollution.

In places where people meet, rules should be made and therefore selective banning of private cars, according to need and contribution to the situation, would be an immediate and effective measure. Not necessarily the right one.