pls mark my letter! thank you ( task 1)

[rairaichan0323]

You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: introduce yourself, explain what sort of job you would like, and say what experience and skills you have.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing this letter to seek for a part-time job. I came from Japan and at present, I am studying for a Master’s Degree in Marketing Management here, at the Edith Crown University.

I would like to work in an office as a secretary or a typist. I would be able to work during the afternoon. I am ready to start immediately.

Before studying here, I had worked in office as secretary for 3 years in Japan. I could speak fluent Japanese, Mandarin and English and also I can type 85 words in a minute. I have the basic knowledge to employ the office programs such as Words and Excel.

Enclosed copy with this letter is my resume, which gives you further details of my work reference. Should you have any further queries regarding my work experiences, please do not hesitate to contact me at the address along with my phone number above. Your assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
Suki Mizuda

[allen_zhang]

Just as usual, I am going to present my version.

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to seek for a part-time job as an IELTS teacher.

I am 28 years old and currently working for the Stone River primary school as a full-time English teacher. I have been working here for more than 5 years since I got my master degree on English literature. Last September, I took my first IELTS examination and I scored 8, which I believe is a very good score as a non-native speaker. I think this certification from British Council can make me qualified for an IELTS teacher.

Although I am having a full-time job now, my schedule is not so tight. So I hope to find a job to teach evening or weekend classes for IELTS exam takers. Meanwhile, since my English speaking skill is excellent and I have very good British accent, I prefer to teach IELTS speaking classes.

If you have such kind of job positions, please try to recommend me.

I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours faithfully,

Allen Zhang

FYI:
I was bluffing! I am not an English teacher and I did not get 8 and I don't have any British accent. More importantly, I am ten years older than 28!!

[durai]

You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: introduce yourself, explain what sort of job you would like, and say what experience and skills you have.

I am writing this letter to seek for a part-time job. I came from Japan and at present, I am studying for a Master’s Degree in Marketing Management here, at the Edith Crown University.
( it says introduce yourself, means you need to tell your name,and with little about your back ground,as you said)
(" My name is Durai, and I am seeking a part time job in and around London.( means you are specific and in real situation) At present, I am studying (for, remove) a Master(’s) Degree in Marketing Management (here, remove) at the Edith Crown University in UK.

I would like to work in an office as a secretary or a typist. I would be able to work during the afternoon. I am ready to start immediately. ( since I need to attend classes in the morning and evening, I prefer to work in the afternoon in the office either as a secretary or a typist.) ( I give this one if you want write complex sentences, but should be error free.)

Before studying here ( migrating to this capital city), I had worked in (an)office as (a) secretary for 3 years in Japan. I am fluent in (speak fluent) Japanese, Mandarin and English and ( wrong sentence formation, you cannot have two "and" in one sentence)also I can type 85 words in a minute. I have the basic knowledge to employ the office programs such as Words and Excel.
( Before migrating to this capital city, I had 3 years experience as a secretary in one of the leading firms in Japan. I am able to speak three different languages which includes Japanese, Mandarin and even English. To add further, I am skilled on type writer in which I can type 85 words per minute. I am also excelled in office applications such as Microsoft word, tally, and web design.

Enclosed copy with this letter is my resume, which gives you further details of my work reference(s). Should you have any further queries regarding my work experiences, please do not hesitate to contact me at the address along with my phone number above.( you didn't give anything earlier, so better don't mention it) Your assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.


looks like band 5.5 or 6 , but not sure

[rairaichan0323]

thank you Durai! ur comment means a lot to me