Hello everyone please assess my writing .

[Aloyssia]

The question is

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of people’s lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

My answer for the question is attached as an image .

I would really appreciate the feedbacks

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I think that the grammar and vocabulary mistakes in this writing make it very difficult to understand. You have certainly answered the question, however. On the other hand, ideas are not clearly developed. I would suggest using shorter sentences, which should be clearer. Explain why you think these things and provide examples and evidence.

All the best,
David