Please review my AT 2

[theuntitled]

International marketing is sometimes seen as invasive and an intrusion into the country in question. Others argue that it is a necessary and economical form of education in addition to spreading ideas, language and culture.

As the distance between countries minimizes and advances within technology skyrockets, marketing has gone from advertising in the country of origin to advertising in neighboring countries. Many people find this form of marketing as an invasion of privacy whilst others find it enlightening. Which is it?

The main argument citizens have that this type of marketing is a form of intrusion. By placing cookies on certain websites one has been on, the company is being invasive and deliberately invading a person’s privacy without being of value. However, international marketing is targeting a specific audience with specific needs and in that way adhering to what the consumer wants. By meeting the demands of the customer, the organization is able to adjust their supply and price their goods in accordance, thus balancing the economy of the country.

Another argument persons their history and traditions will be disrupted. On the contrary, the country will be enriched and can incorporate ideas about different cultures and ideas from the origin of the company. For instance, in Sweden there is a telephone company that has in recent years incorporated phrases and persons from Saudi Arabia, Poland, Russia, etc. to appeal to foreign customers already living in the country. Not only is this pleasant and reduces the feeling of homesickness, but also allows Swedish citizens to learn about other customs.

In conclusion, as much as targeting a country for marketing purposes may feel unnecessary and a violation of personal privacy, international marketing may actually be reducing cultural gaps between countries and inviting the exchange of ideas.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Why aren't cookies of value? You actually say why they are useful in the very next sentence!

Main paragraph 2 - You need to explain how these things work.

Overall, ideas are confusing and undeveloped. Coherence and vocabulary are weak as a result.

Grammar is extremely good though, which makes this a very strange essay.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

International marketing is sometimes seen as invasive and an intrusion into the country in question. Others argue that it is a necessary and economical form of education in addition to spreading ideas, language and culture.

As the distance between countries lessens, and advances within technology skyrocket, marketing has gone from advertising in the country of origin to advertising in neighboring countries. Many people find this form of marketing as an invasion of privacy whilst others find it enlightening. Which is it?

The main argument citizens have is that this type of marketing is a form of intrusion. By placing cookies on certain websites one has visited, the company is being invasive and deliberately invading a person’s privacy without being of value. However, international marketing is targeting a specific audience with specific needs and in that way adhering to what the consumer wants. By meeting the demands of the customer, the organization is able to adjust their supply and price their goods in accordance, thus balancing the economy of the country.

Another argument is that people feel their history and traditions will be disrupted. On the contrary, the country will be enriched and can incorporate ideas about different cultures and ideas from the origin of the company. For instance, in Sweden there is a telephone company that has in recent years incorporated phrases and persons(<--How have people been incorporated?) from Saudi Arabia, Poland, Russia, etc. to appeal to foreign customers already living in the country. Not only is this pleasant and reduces the feeling of homesickness, but also allows Swedish citizens to learn about other customs.

In conclusion, as much as targeting a country for marketing purposes may feel unnecessary and a violation of personal privacy, international marketing may actually be reducing cultural gaps between countries and inviting the exchange of ideas.