Please kindly checking my writing. How close is my essay to Band 7?

[huannguyen]

Dear examiners,

Would you mind checking my essay below? Any corrections would be highly appreciated.

Thanks,

Harry
=========
Some people believe that the government should pay the costs of running universities so that a university education will be free for anyone who wants it.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinions?
=========
ANSWER

It is believed that universities should be subsidized by the government so people are able to financially benefit from the higher education. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this idea due to the fact that there will be the effects on the quality of the entire education system and the income of lecturers.

On the one hand, the higher education system will be affected. Firstly, the government tends to fund a same amount of capital to all universities but the financial requirements about the infrastructure and facilities for study vary from universities. For example, when a university needs to expand its existing laboratory, it may take a long time to get an approval of the government, or it may be even worse that the university will receive a denial. Such a delay would have a bad effect on students’ study results. Secondly, some students who have a high demand for the facilities or the quality of teaching may find difficult to look for a school that has such a high standard. The reason is the quality of the public schools, in general, is the same.

On the other hand, lecturers will receive a pay rate which is not properly corresponding to their skills. Some lecturers may feel unhappy if they receive an unfair payment, and then they certainly lose the enthusiasm for teaching their students. For instance, the senior lecturers will receive a lower pay rate if the private universities where they are teaching turns to the public. That is because the government will become the main party to decide pay standards. Moreover, the low pay will lead them to look for another occupation that offers a higher pay.

In conclusion, subsidizing universities by the government is a wrong choice. It may have the bad effects on the education system as a whole and create changes in lecturers’ life due to the low income.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

It is believed ... - who by?

If you say that the government funds universities equally, you need to specify which country you mean, because that's certainly not true in most countries.

Which 'public schools' do you mean?

Why will the lecturers get a relatively low salary? What is an 'unfair' payment?

Overall, this essay makes points that are very difficult to understand. Most of what you say is actually untrue for most countries, so you need to be specific if you are referring to your own country.

A limited range of grammatical structures and vocabulary is used, which contributes to the lack of clarity.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Some people believe that the government should pay the costs of running universities so that a university education will be free for anyone who wants it.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinions?
=========
ANSWER

It is believed that universities should be subsidized by the government so people are able to financially benefit from higher education. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this idea due to the fact that there will be effects on the quality of the entire education system and the income of lecturers.

On the one hand, the higher education system will be affected. Firstly, the government tends to fund a set amount of capital to all universities, but the financial requirements for the infrastructure and facilities vary between universities. For example, when a university needs to expand its existing laboratory, it may take a long time to get approval from the government, or the university may receive a denial. Such a delay would have a bad effect on students’ study results. Secondly, some students have a high demand for the facilities or the quality of teaching, and may find it difficult to look for a school that has such a high standard. The reason is the quality of the public schools, in general, is the same.(<--I don't understand this sentence. The reason for what?)

On the other hand, lecturers will receive a pay rate which does not correspond to their skills. Some lecturers may feel unhappy if they receive an unfair payment, and then they will certainly lose the enthusiasm for teaching their students. For instance, the senior lecturers will receive a lower pay rate if the private universities where they are teaching become public. That is because the government will become the main party to decide pay standards. Moreover, the low pay will lead them to look for another occupation that offers a higher pay.

In conclusion, government subsidies to universities is the wrong choice. It may have bad effects on the education system as a whole and create changes in lecturers’ lives due to the low income.