Writing Task 2 - Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis

[jennyj]

Please help me to evaluate my writing. Your comments will help me a lot.

Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?
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Recently, there have been major changes in all aspects of life, including transport. People now prefer travelling by car or scooter or motorbike to walking or hiking. The declining number of people going on foot on a daily basis seems to be caused by a variety of reasons. This essay will discuss some of those to figure out effective solutions for stimulating people to walk.
The first reason why people may no longer fancy walking as frequently as they used to do related to their occupied life. It can hardly be denied that in most cases, it would take more time to walk than to drive; therefore, people may tend to travel by car in order to save time. Additionally, travelling by car or scooter could be more convenient. For example, instead of walking a long way in awful weather of a hot and humid summer day, which might upset people, they would prefer to drive as it would require fewer physical activities. This may lead to their great dependence on their vehicles. However, the issue can be overcome by educational solutions. For instance, people’s awareness of the advantages of daily walking and the drawbacks of depending greatly on vehicles could be raised if they are frequently noticed at school or via other education channels. As a result, people may consider to walk more, especially when travelling a short way, instead of driving.
Another reason for the declining number of people who walk on a daily basis is that their health condition would not allow them to be involved in physical activities. There have been a vast range of health problems, including heart diseases, cancer, obesity and so on, which require people suffering from each of them to limit their physical activities to maintain a stable health condition. However, walking and hiking activities could still be encouraged. Appropriate instructions about how to keep fit and stay healthy by walking could be advised by health profressionals, instructing people to walk in the right way that would not negatively influence their health but even strengthen their endurance.
In conclusion, now people do not prefer to walk by virtue of various reasons, but it still stands opportunities to raise their interest in walking by suitable encouragement.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The reasons you give in the first main paragraph are good, but the solution - education - really doesn't seem likely. I mean, if people are not aware that physical exercise is good for them, then they must - honestly! - be fairly low on the intelligence scale.

The health issues you point out in the second main paragraph are certainly true in some cases, but it really seems unlikely to me that people nowadays are less healthy than people throughout human history up to the 20th century. I mean, life expectancy is now higher than 100 years ago or even 10,000 years ago. So what do you mean exactly?

Furthermore, you state that people with health problems cannot walk, then suggest that they walk!!!

Overall, the majority of points are either simply wrong or, at best, very badly developed.

All the best,
David

[jennyj]

Hi David

Thanks for your feedback. I think the second reason should be air pollution and noise, which could probably cause inconvenience while people are walking. However, could you suggest any solutions for this problem? Actually I could not come up with any apart from a walking race/contest that should be held monthly or annually to increase the mount of walking time. Do you think the idea of that race can be good enough?

[Flick]

Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and how to encourage them to spend their time walking?
~~~
Recently, there have been major changes in all aspects of life, including transport. People now prefer travelling by car or scooter or motorbike to walking or hiking. The declining number of people traveling on foot on a daily basis seems to be caused by a variety of reasons. This essay will discuss some of those to figure out effective solutions for encouraging people to walk.

The first reason why people may no longer fancy walking as frequently as they used to relates to their lifestyle. It can hardly be denied that in most cases, it would take more time to walk than to drive; therefore, people tend to travel by car in order to save time. Additionally, travelling by car or scooter could be more convenient. For example, instead of walking a long way in awful weather, which might upset people, they would prefer to drive as it would require less physical effort. This may lead to a greater dependence on their vehicles. However, the issue can be overcome through education. For instance, people’s awareness of the advantages of daily walking and the drawbacks of depending greatly on vehicles could be raised if they are frequently discussed at school or via other education channels. As a result, people may consider walking more, especially when travelling a short way, instead of driving.

Another reason for the declining number of people who walk on a daily basis is that their health may not allow them to be involved in physical activities. There are a vast range of health problems, including heart diseases, cancer, obesity and so on, which require people suffering from each of them to limit their physical activities to maintain a stable condition. However, walking and hiking activities could still be encouraged. Appropriate instructions about how to keep fit and stay healthy by walking could be encouraged by health professionals, instructing people to walk in a way that would not negatively influence their health but improve their endurance.

In conclusion, many people do not prefer to walk by virtue of various reasons, but ithere are several ways to raise their interest in walking via suitable encouragement.