Writing Task 2 - Junk food prevented by education

[jennyj]

Please help me improve my writing by leaving a comment, especially when you see something I need to correct. I would be very grateful ^^.

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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According to scientists, junk food has been one of the serious causes of people’s health problems. There are numerous solutions that have been suggested to tackle this, one of which is education. However, while some believe that education plays a key role in solving the problem, others argue that it would not be the most effective solution. This essay will discuss both opinions to show agreement on the view that education will not work in this case.
The essay will start with the first view. There are probably reasons why some consider education as a fundamental solution for the junk food problem. Firstly, education is commonly believe to be able to change people’s perspective on junk food. Specifically, if they are well-educated about the negative influence of junk food on health, they would be fully aware of the risks they would take when consuming the kind of food. As a result, they might have a healthier diet to keep them fit and free from diseases. Secondly, education is also believed to have butterfly effect, which means well-educated individuals can also educate others around them, resulting in widespread awareness of the negative effects of junk food.
Nevertheless, it would be true that education could not be considered as the key answer for the problem. One of the main reasons is that people’s perspective may not be the only element that affects their decision on choosing food for meals. By virtue of mass media, people nowadays could be well-informed of the negative influence of junk food. However, due to their occupied life, which means they might usually be in a hurry, a meal of junk food can help them save time, leading to the increasing junk food consumption. Secondly, although they are fully aware of health problems caused by junk food, people may keep eating this kind of food, thinking that thanks to the rapid development of medication these health problems could be treated. As a result, people may allow themselves to be indulged with junk food no matter what they might be warning against the kind of food.
In conclusion, education can be a great solution for the junk food problem, but it should be implemented along with others solutions to reduce the amount of junk food consumption.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is a good essay. Ideas are clear and you have used a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. Meaning is clear despite some grammar and vocabulary mistakes.

Well done!
David

[Flick]

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
~~~
According to scientists, junk food is a serious cause of people’s health problems. There are numerous solutions that have been suggested to tackle this, one of which is education. However, while some believe that education plays a key role in solving the problem, others argue that it would not be the most effective solution. This essay will discuss both opinions while agreeing with the view that education will not work in this case.

On one hand, there are definitely reasons why some consider education as a fundamental solution for the junk food problem. Firstly, education is commonly believed to be able to change people’s perspective on junk food. Specifically, if they are well-educated about the negative influence of junk food on health, they would be fully aware of the risks they take when consuming that kind of food. As a result, they might choose a healthier diet to keep them fit and free from diseases. Secondly, education is also believed to have a butterfly effect, which means well-educated individuals can also educate others around them, resulting in widespread awareness of the negative effects of junk food.

Nevertheless, I believe that education should not be considered as the key answer to this problem. One of the main reasons is that people’s perspective may not be the only element that affects their decision when choosing food for meals. By virtue of mass media, people nowadays may already be well-informed of the negative influence of junk food. However, due to their busy life, which means they might usually be in a hurry, a meal of junk food can help them save time, leading to increasing junk food consumption.

Secondly, although they are fully aware of the possible health problems caused by junk food, people may keep eating this kind of food, believing that the rapid development of medication can treat any resulting health problems. As a result, people may allow themselves to indulge in junk food no matter what type of health risks are involved.

In conclusion, education can be a great solution for the junk food problem, but it should be implemented along with others solutions to reduce the amount of junk food consumed.