hi, kindly review my essay, thank you

[KenAdelaide]

Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a person’s culture and character from their choice of clothes.
Do you agree or disagree.
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Some psychologists claim that the personalities and cultural background of an individual could be reflected by the clothes he or she is wearing. On the other hand, other people disagree, because they point out that the clothes they wear usually depend on where they are going to and who they are going to meet.

Colours and symbols on the clothes could reflect some aspects of a person. For example, an online research report has found that people who enjoy wearing clothes in red are more likely to have characteristics, such as outgoing and easy-going rather than those who prefer dark colours. Furthermore, the pictures on a person’s clothes could reveal his or her nationality. For instance, some Chinese like wearing clothes which have the flag of China.

However, people often have to make decisions about dressing based on occasions, which would make it very difficult to tell a person’s characteristics by their clothes. In workplaces, employees are often required to wear suits and tie, and wearing identical uniforms are a common requirement in Chinese primary schools. Therefore, the dressing styles of people could only be a simple indication of certain occasions.

In conclusion, after careful consideration, I believe that people’s choice of dressing could illustrate their personal information only if they were free to choose what to wear. Under the circumstances which an individual’s choice of dressing style is enforced, such as in working areas, a person’s preference of clothes could hardly be considered as an illustration of his or her characteristics.

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Again, I appreciate for any suggestions made to this essay, and thank you for your kindly help

[FastTrackIELTS]

Hi Ken,

I have provided some feedback to your assignment below.

Task Management
This is a strong essay that closely answers the question provided. You address the key words of 'culture', 'character' and 'choice of clothes' well and provide an example answer to each. You present clear answers such as arguing that sometimes we have to wear clothes that are for occasions, such as a suit and tie, therefore these clothes reveal very little about our personality and then expand on them with further supporting evidence. Your view is clear and concise. You'll continue to score a high grade if you closely follow the question in your IELTS exam.

Coherence & Cohesion
Throughout this essay it is clear what point you are making and your essay moves from one point to the other in a simple and logical way. Each topic presents a clear idea it is making. You make great use of 'linking words' such as 'furthermore' and your introduction and closing statement do a great job of making your writing feel like one piece. Be cautious about using too many ideas in each paragraph. You may find it simple to limit each paragraph to one idea and then expanding on it in detail rather than giving two examples of the second point as shown in paragraph two.

Lexical Resource
Your range of words is wide and you are flexible and fluent in explaining your ideas. There are excellent complex words such as 'consideration' however your general use of English is simple. You may find you can use more complex words once or twice throughout your essay in order to be more descriptive or accurate with your examples.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Please see the below response. The majority of your sentences are error-free and it is generally clear what point you are making.

Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a person’s culture and character from their choice of clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

Some psychologists claim that the personalities and cultural background of an individual could be reflected by the clothes he or she is wearing. On the other hand, other people disagree, because they point out that the clothes they wear usually depends on where they are going to and who they are going to meet.

Colours and symbols on clothes could reflect some aspects of a person. For example, an online research report has found that people who enjoy wearing clothes in red are more likely to have characteristics such as being outgoing and easy-going compared to those who prefer dark colours. Furthermore, the pictures on a person’s clothes could reveal his or her nationality. For instance, some Chinese like wearing clothes which have the flag of China.

However, people often have to make decisions about dressing, based on occasions that make it very difficult to tell a person’s characteristics by their clothes. In workplaces, employees are often required to wear a suit and tie and wearing identical uniforms are a common requirement in Chinese primary schools. Therefore, the dressing styles of people could only be a simple indication of certain occasions.

In conclusion, I believe that people’s choice of dressing could illustrate their personal information only if they were free to choose what to wear. Under the circumstances which an individual’s choice of dressing style is enforced, such as in working areas, a person’s preference of clothes can hardly be considered as an illustration of his or her characteristics.

A fantastic essay Ken! I think you use great examples here and this is a very strong essay! I hope this feedback of some help for you. If you require any further assistance with this, or any of the sections of the IELTS exam, you can reach me here on the forum or on my website: http://www.passmyielts.com

Jordan

[KenAdelaide]

Thanks a lot for your feedback, and it is really helpful.
I just got a few questions, I hope you would kindly answer them.
1. I googled clothes, it says the word "clothes" is always used as plural in English, so why should I change "depend" to "depends"?
2. In the last paragraph, you deleted "after careful consideration", could you please tell me the reason?

Thank you