kindly review my essay, thank you

[KenAdelaide]

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills.
Do you agree or disagree?


It has been debated for many years whether students in schools and universities should focus on academic or practical courses. Some people complain that their children are spending too much time on learning facts, and they believe that practical skills should be the main focus, because those skills would be more use of future employment. On the other hand, other people argue that academic subjects are fundamental to general education, and students would have the opportunity to concentrate on learning practical skills if they study in TAFE.

In most primary schools, numeracy and literacy are the compulsory courses. During this stage, it is true that students spend most of their time on learning facts and memorizing formulas. Additionally, the main concentration of high school students is academic subjects, including maths, physics, chemistry and biology. Thus, many parents would worry that their children may not have the sufficient skills to get a job after graduation as they do not spend enough time on practical subjects.

However, from my perspective, there are plenty of courses which offer practical assessment. For instance, practical session is an important part of engineering courses in universities, and students will be guided to learn some essential skills, such as installing a radio and testing electronic devices. Moreover, TAFE in Australia provides students with opportunities to focus on practical skills and work for companies during their study.

In conclusion, after careful consideration, although students concentrate on studying academic subjects in their early life, applying for TAFE after high school is one of the options for students who want to focus on improving practical skills. Besides, even universities are also offering practical assessments.
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Again, I appreciate for any suggestions made to this essay, and thank you for your kindly help

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

If the examiner doesn't know what TAFE is, you'll get a low score. Besides, I'm pretty sure TAFE doesn't cater for all ages. I went to the TAFE website and typed in 'car mechanics' and nothing came up, so it's not really clear which courses you are writing about.

Consequently, I consider this essay only partially answers the question.

Vocabulary and grammar are not used to create a clear argument.

Overall, quite a weak essay.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills.
Do you agree or disagree?


It has been debated for many years whether students in schools and universities should focus on academic or practical courses. Some people complain that their children are spending too much time on learning facts. They believe that practical skills should be the main focus, because those skills would be more use in future employment. On the other hand, other people argue that academic subjects are fundamental to general education, and students would have the opportunity to concentrate on learning practical skills if they study in TAFE.

In most primary schools, numeracy and literacy are compulsory courses. During this stage, it is true that students spend most of their time learning facts and memorizing formulas. Additionally, the main concentration of high school curriculum is academic subjects including maths, physics, chemistry and biology. Thus, many parents would worry that their children may not have the appropriate skills to get a job after graduation as they do not spend enough time on practical subjects.

However, from my perspective, there are plenty of courses which offer practical assessment. For instance, practical sessions are an important part of engineering courses in universities, during which students are guided to learn some essential skills, such as installing a radio and testing electronic devices. Moreover, TAFE in Australia provides students with opportunities to focus on practical skills and work for companies during their study.

In conclusion, after careful consideration, although students concentrate on studying academic subjects in their early life, applying for TAFE after high school is one of the options for students who want to focus on improving practical skills. Also, universities offer practical components for many subjects.
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