Writing Task 2 - Mobile phone being anti-social and a ban on using it

[jennyj]

Please help me to evaluate my writing by letting me know your feedback.

The use of mobile phone is as anti-social as smoking. Smoking is banned at certain places, so the mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Nowadays, the globe has been witnessing the rapid development of communication. One of the most considerable inventions in communication is the mobile phone, which has been universally used. However, it is believed to be recently overused, leading to the lack of direct interaction among people. To combat this problem, some consider that a ban on using mobile phone at particular places should be implemented by authorities. This essay will discuss the opinions to show why it would not be agreeable to have such a ban implemented.
This essay will start with the belief of the mobile phone being anti-social. It is true that the invention of the mobile phone has assisted people to easily communicate with each other without being kept waiting a long time when using traditional means like letters or desk phones. The convenience of using the mobile phone, however, has raised people’s dependence on the device. There have been less face-to-face interaction among people, especially among friends, colleagues and neighbors who live not quite far from each other, expanding the distance between those. Instead of being socially active, individuals tend to live in their own world, only keeping in touch with society via their mobile phone.
On the other hand, the mobile phone should not be banned in public either. One of the main reasons is the considerable advantages society can be benefited from the mobile phone. Thanks to its size, the mobile phone can be carried along, keeping people always in touch especially in case of emergency. Additionally, the development of technology has transformed the original mobile phone into the smart phone, which can function as both a phone and a tablet or a computer, assisting people not only to stay in touch but also to work everywhere. Another benefit of the mobile phone is that it would annually play an important role in making profit communication companies, greatly increasing the global gross domestic product. Therefore, a ban on using mobile phones would not be an ideal solution to be agreed on.
To sum up, although the mobile phone has its own drawbacks, there should not be a ban on using it in public.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is quite a simple answer, but would still get a good score. you have used a good variety of vocabulary and grammar and your ideas are good (although most candidates will choose the same ones!). Grammatical accuracy is good, particularly considering the variety of structures used.

Most people will argue, as you have, that the use of mobiles has reduced face-to-face communication, but I honestly wonder how true that really is.

Anyway, well done!
David