Writing Task 2 - International tourism as harmful

[jennyj]

Could you please let me know your feedback about my writing?

Some people believe that international tourism have harmful effects. Why do they think so? How to change their view?
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Despite a vast range of benefits coming from tourism industry, especially international tourism, there are a number of people who are suspicious of that industry. They consider it as a threat to the community. This essay will discuss the causes of that suspicion and solutions to change their perspective on international tourism.
This essay will start with the reasons why international tourism is believed to be harmful. Initially, it would be rooted in negative changes in the local community which encourage tourism to develop. To attract visitors, the local community would make changes, some of which may be inappropriate. For example, in Vietnam, bans on unsuitable clothing such as shorts and miniskirts in pagodas and temples, which are traditionally strict, have been removed in particular pagodas and temples. However, foreign tourists in such inappropriate clothes visiting these solemn places would be not only a negative image of a traditional Asian country but also a reason for young local people not maintaining the tradition. This is one of the major problems leading to people’s suspicion of international tourism.
However, there are ways to change society’s attitude toward international tourism. First of all, local authorities should maintain traditions and custom and simultaneously have effective policies to attract visitors. Traditional festivals, for example, should be promoted and annually organized, providing tourists with knowledge and experiences they can barely obtain without attending these festivals. Secondly, local citizens should be well noticed of beneficial impacts of tourism on the economic development to encourage them to take part in the industry.
To conclude, tourism, especially international tourism, should be wisely stimulated by local authorities.

[ieltsstruggler]

Hi I am not that good in it,but will try to help you out.

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[ieltsstruggler]

You have chosen good topic.
I guess you need to see the following
1- sentence formation
2 use of punctuation
Follow this structure for discussion essay
A) Introduction
- Background
- detailed background statement
- outline

B) point of view no1
- statement of point of view
- discuss with an example
Conclude with agreeing/disagreeing

C) point of view no 2
- statement of point of view
- discuss with an example
Conclude with agreeing/disagreeing

D) concluding paragraph
- summary of point of view analyze
- statement of your point of view
-prediction or recommendation

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