Kindly Evaluate my Task 2 Essay or Spending on arts

[sweetypatel]

Spending money on a particular sector is a crucial decision to be taken by the government which could significantly affect the society. Some believe that nowadays the government is investing the fund in the art which is nothing but wastage of valuable resources which if invested in other sectors, could be proved to be more useful. Others believe that arts being an indispensable part of human race, worthy to get more fund. I believe that the government should spend reasonably.

On one hand, the government should and is investing fund for nourishing the art which is very vital for the development of humankind. Artifacts created by artists are essential for the preservation of the heritage which can be very useful for the young generation. For example, plays of the great write Shakespear are very famous for the mankind. Secondly, artistic skills like painting, acting, dancing are good for the human community to nurture the society. For instance, the human can feel relax when it indulge in these activities. In addition to this, some arts like music are nowadays being used for mental and physical health development of all the live being. Thus it is very clear this area of arts is worth to spend to flourish the habitat on this planet.

On the other hand, some people believe it would be more beneficial for the human race to spend the funds in other areas like the science and humanitarian aid. The first point to make is that scientific research in fields like medical, astronomy and engineering are very crucial for this earth. For example, the invention of medicines for diseases like AIDS is very imperative for the human being. Another point is that there are many dilemmas on this mother earth that are worthwhile. For instance, the crime rate has been increasing worldwide; similarly, the poverty rate is also growing day by day. From all these arguments, it is crystal clear that the scientific research and helping underprivileged are substantial areas to be considered by all the authorities of the world.

To sum up, the importance of spending on the art is not deniable, although there are more issues to fight for survival on this planet. To balance both the parts, legislation should take care that spending should be moderate in both the area.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Your arguments are basic, but good. In the second main paragraph, you state that poverty is increasing, but this is not supported by factual information. The rise of China and other countries has contributed to a massive decrease in poverty worldwide, although there is clearly more to be done.

Vocabulary and grammar are quite good, but there are quite a lot of grammatical errors.

Overall, not a bad essay. Work on your grammar in particular.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Spending money on a particular sector is a crucial decision to be taken by the government which could significantly affect the society.(<--Reword to: "Deciding which sectors to spend money on is a crucial government decision which can have a significant impact on the society." Some believe that nowadays the government investment in the arts is a waste of valuable resources which, if invested in other sectors, could be more useful. Others believe that the arts are an indispensable part of the human race, worthy of funding. I believe that the government should spend reasonably.

On one hand, the government should support the arts which is vital for the development of humankind. Artifacts created by artists are essential for the preservation of heritage which can be very useful for younger generations. For example, plays b the great playwright, Shakespeare are very famous all over the world. Secondly, artistic skills like painting, acting, and dancing are good for the human community to nurture the society. For instance, people feel relaxed when indulging in these activities. In addition to this, some arts like music are nowadays being used for mental and physical health development. Thus it is very clear this area of arts is worth financial support from the government.

On the other hand, some people believe it would be more beneficial for the human race to spend the funds on other areas like the sciences and humanitarian aid. The first point to make is that scientific research in fields like medicine, astronomy and engineering are crucial for the whole planet. For example, the invention of medicines for diseases like AIDS is imperative for human beings. Another point is that there are many problems in the world that need to be solved. For instance, crime rate has been increasing worldwide. Similarly, the poverty rate is also growing day by day. From all these arguments, it is crystal clear that scientific research and helping the underprivileged are substantial areas to be considered by all the authorities of the world.

To sum up, the importance of spending on the arts is undeniable, although there are more immediate issues needing attention to ensure our survival. To balance both parts, legislation should ensure that spending should be moderate in both areas.

[sweetypatel]

Thanks, Flick.

Would you please tell me an approximate band I could get, please?

[sweetypatel]

Thanks, David.IELTS.Examiner

Would you please tell me an approximate band I could get, please?