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Task 2
Should schools be responsible to children’s behaviour or not ?
Discuss both sides of this issue !
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MY RESPONSE :
The issue of whether schools should be in charge of children’s behavior or not is certainly contentious one. There are valid arguments on the both sides and in this essay I intend to argue them.
On the one hand, this is particularly so given the fact that youngsters idle away the hours studying and the time is predominantly spent in schools. For that reason, teachers are responsible for the behavior of school children. Furthermore, so as to be a high skilled person in the society children’s character and behavior play a pivotal role. Therefore, embarking on offspring’s behavior takes first place in schools.
On the other hand, one point which the teachers believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that children’s parents are absolutely vital in the education because there are not long-standing people who can completely understand children’s feelings like parents. And parents look after children range from the birth of children and the age of six or seven, and then children start to go to schools. It is obvious that whether a good behavior or not parents have already impacted on children. What is more, family problems like luck of money or private problems are vitally essential to change children’s behavior from good to bad. One delicious example of this is the USA, the vast majority of children are not excel in core subjects owing to family problems.
To sum up, school teachers are responsible for children’s behavior but some agree that parents are more important to this kind of things. Conversely, it is my personal conviction that parents play a vital role in children’s behavior.
(259 words)
24.09.2016
17:28
Thank you very much !!!!
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Can you come up with suggestion to this essay ???
Writing Task 2 7+
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
- Posts: 1371
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am
Re: Writing Task 2 7+
Hello!
Embarking on offspring's behavior?
The first main paragraph is very hard to understand.
Oh dear, you really have fallen for one of the biggest traps! Teachers are usually parents too!!!! (First sentence of the second main paragraph!) Oh, the number of times I've seen candidates fall for that one!!! Classic!
The argument that American children are not performing well due to family problems needs support.
Overall, a weak essay. Arguments are unclear due to poor grammar and vocabulary. Other points are undeveloped.
All the best,
David
Embarking on offspring's behavior?
The first main paragraph is very hard to understand.
Oh dear, you really have fallen for one of the biggest traps! Teachers are usually parents too!!!! (First sentence of the second main paragraph!) Oh, the number of times I've seen candidates fall for that one!!! Classic!
The argument that American children are not performing well due to family problems needs support.
Overall, a weak essay. Arguments are unclear due to poor grammar and vocabulary. Other points are undeveloped.
All the best,
David
Re: Writing Task 2 7+
Aky wrote:
Task 2
Should schools be responsible to children’s behaviour or not ?
Discuss both sides of this issue !
____________________________________________________________________
MY RESPONSE :
The issue of whether schools should be in charge of children’s behavior or not is certainly a contentious one. There are valid arguments on the both sides and in this essay, I intend to examine them.
On the one hand, this(<--What is particularly so?) is particularly so given the fact that youngsters idle away the hours studying, and this time is predominantly spent in schools. For that reason, teachers are responsible for the behavior of school children. Furthermore, so as to be a high skilled person in the society children’s character and behavior play a pivotal role.(<--Reword to: "Furthermore, character and behavior play a pivotal role in one's future success.") Therefore, encouraging positive behavior first takes place in schools.
On the other hand, one point which teachers believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that children’s parents are absolutely vital in their education because teachers are not around their students constantly. And parents look after children range from the birth of children and the age of six or seven, and then children start to go to schools.(<--Reword to: "Parents are around their children constantly from birth to when they start school around 6 years old.") It is obvious that whether a good behavior or not parents have already impacted on children.(<--Reword to: "It is obvious when parents have spent time teaching their children good behavior and when they haven't.") What is more, family problems like lack of money can drastically affect a child's behavior. One example of this is in the USA, the vast majority of children do not excel in core subjects owing to family problems.(<--This is not an example. This is an opinion. There are no facts to back this statement up.)
To sum up, school teachers are responsible for children’s behavior, but some agree that parents are more important in this kind of thing. Conversely, it is my personal conviction that parents play a vital role in their children’s behavior.