Writing Task 2 7+

[Aky]

www.IELTSNETWORK.com
Task 2
Some people think that children should participate in a sense of competitions to be useful adult in society. Others support that children should work in pairs rather than competitions

Discuss both sides of this issue ?
________________________________________________________________________
My response :

There are widely differing views on the issue of whether youngsters should be taken part in a sense of competitions or not. In this essay, I intend to argue on both sides of this trend are as follows.

On the one hand, this is particularly so given the fact that offspring are more encouraged by participating in competitions. This type of teaching system will defiantly bring merit points for these who are clever and smart. Because in each competition the jubilant children are stimulated by giving them gifts or taking free tickets to the summer holiday. Afterwards, the other children start to study hard so as to be the winner. One delicious example, the UK and China, children are more intelligent than other countries’ children.

On the other hand, despite arguments of some people that children who are taught to work in pairs or team building become more communicative adults in the society. And children are in classes idling away the hours cooperating with each other just as one family. In addition, it might be said that these children are good communicators, and then this type of skill can be the key factor to work in companies.

To sum up, offspring are encouraged to fill in gaps that they have by stimulations. Others believe the co-operation can be a mastered skill to be more helpful adults. Nevertheless, it is my personal belief that the benefits of competitions far outweigh cooperation in the classes.
(226 words)
24.09.2016
20:38
Thank you very much
What can you suggest to pass with flying colors in this portion ???

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Are British and Chinese children REALLY smarter than kids from other countries?! (I hope not!!!)

What are 'free tickets to the summer holiday'?

The phrase 'idling away' in education is negative.

Basically, the points are unclear and lack development. Vocabulary is used very generally.

On the other hand, grammar is good. There's a nice range and accuracy is quite high.

All the best,
David