Task 2 7+

[Aky]

writing task 2 : Many of the world's cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage.
what are some of the reasons for this shortage and what solutions can you suggest ?

My answer :


These days, it seems that more people are attempting to live in cities rather than living
in their countrysides. This raise certain question about the reason why the people of
villages have been choosing to reside in cities. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources
of this problem along with some possible solutions.

On the one hand, the plenty of people move directly to the cities. It is irrefutable fact that the
population of villiges predominantly wants better living conditions in cities which they can find it
easy to live. So, this might be because why they tend to like to live in modern cities.
Furthermore, there is one primary cause of this problem in which there are ultra-modern
and beatiful buidings, universities for students. After finishing their favourite univer-
sities, they call their family to live with themselves from their home towns. This what
a lot of students are doing especially who come from villages.


On the other hand , though people are overcoming and choosing to dwell in
a gorgeous cities, it can be untangled by building new houses and modern buidings in vil-
lages. One particulary salient example of this are new cottages in countrysides of Uzbekistan.
One point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that the new universities
should be built by the government, and by this way student or people do not have to go to
modern cities. however, this costs amount of money to establish brand new building but
it does not lead to problem any more like housing shortage.


in conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the new and the modern buildings
can attract people to live in cities around the world. For this reason, it Will be solved
by rebuilding new cottages and houses in villages. Hence, I believe the hard way is the
perminantly the best way.
about : 260 words

QUESTIONS FOR USERS OF WWW.IELTSNETWORK.COM

1.Please I need witty comments as well as feedback !!!

2.Can you grade this essay with band scores ?

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

You don't explain the example of the Kazakh cottages.

I don't think that the buildings are the main reason. Most likely, you should be looking more at the educational and work-related benefits of living in a city.

Grammar is quite good, but the range of structures and expressions is quite limited. Try to use more modals and adverbs to make your points clearer and more exact.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

writing task 2 : Many of the world's cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage.
what are some of the reasons for this shortage and what solutions can you suggest ?

My answer :


These days, it seems that more people are attempting to live in cities rather than in the countryside. This raises certain questions about why the people of villages have been choosing to move to cities. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this problem along with some possible solutions.

On the one hand, the plenty of people move directly to the cities.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) It is an irrefutable fact that the population of many villages predominantly want better living conditions, which they can find in the cities. So, this might be why there is a general movement of rural populations to urban areas.
Furthermore, there is one primary cause of this problem in which there are ultra-modern and beautiful buildings, universities for students.(<--I don't understand this sentence or how it relates to the essay question.) After finishing their university studies, graduates invite their family to live with them in the city. This what a lot of students from villages are doing.

On the other hand, though many people are choosing to dwell in cities, it can be untangled by building new houses and modern buidings in villages.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) One particulary salient example of this are new cottages in the countryside of Uzbekistan. One point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that new universities should be built by the government, for in this way, students do not have to move to modern cities to get a tertiary education.(<--Why not? Where are governments going to build new universities?) However, this costs a large amount of money to establish it does not lead to problem any more like housing shortage.(<--I don't understand. Why does building a university not cause a housing shortage?)

in conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that new and modern buildings can attract people to live in cities around the world. The housing shortage this causes can be solved by building new cottages and houses in villages. Hence, I believe the hard way is the permanantly the best way.