Essay regarding : Investments towards Sportsmen

[pavneet]

Hello Scholars, Please review and provide your valuable comments, as my exam is in 2 weeks and would like to additive your feedback in my writing skills. BR | Pavneet

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Many countries spend too much money on training of a few individuals for international sports competitions. Some people think that governments should invest more in ordinary people instead. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

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Gone those days when only developed countries spend money on their athletes as compare to developing countries. Nowadays almost every country wants to invest money on such professionals who can bring the glory to their country. However, it is argued that the investments must be more towards the general public than the professionals, I kinda partially agree to it.

It is true that the government must not leave the ordinary people behind, as that is where all the professionals are born and get polished, henceforth government must provide the aid to generic people too, for instance playgrounds and required infrastructure at the school level, clubs and more mature professional equipment's at the college level. Secondly there must be provision of sponsorship so that all kind of kids can try their luck and eventually shine like a star for their country.

At the same time, countries cannot neglect those individuals who have already proven themselves, not only by training hard but also when it required the most for their countries. The couple of major reasons for that should be, Firstly, they are trained professionals and their chances to winning the competition are brighter than others, for example the athlete who has already won the medals in national competitions would be far closer to win the international competitions. Secondly, the experience also matters, to illustrate, it is likely that a person coming from smaller background may be good technically but may not understand the games tactics on his debut. Therefore, experience individuals are the key people no country can neglect.

In conclusion, for a country all sportsmen are in the same boat and supporting both types of individuals should go hand in hand.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Kinda? Very informal!

Get polished?

Generic people?

Sponsorship? Explain.

I think that, overall, you have missed some key points. What about the effect on public health? What about the effect of athletes winning Olympic medals?

The vocabulary isn't so good, and nor is the grammar, but you have 'kinda' answered the question.

All the best,
David

[pavneet]

Thanks David, Appreciate your review.

I will try to write better. BR | Pavneet

[Flick]

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Many countries spend too much money on training of a few individuals for international sports competitions. Some people think that governments should invest more in ordinary people instead. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Gone are the days when only developed countries spent money on their athletes. Nowadays, almost every country wants to invest money in such professionals who can bring glory to their country. However, it is argued that these investments should be in the general public rather than the professionals. I kinda partially agree to it.(<--Reword to: "This essay supports that viewpoint.")

It is true that the government should not leave the ordinary people behind, as that is where all the professionals are born and get polished. Henceforth, the government should provide aid to generic people, too. For instance, playgrounds and necessary educational infrastructure, with clubs and more professional equipment at the college level. Secondly, there must be provision of sponsorship so that all kind of youth can try their luck and eventually become successful.

At the same time, countries cannot neglect those individuals who have already proven themselves; not only by training hard but also when required the most for their countries. The major reasons for that are, firstly, they are trained professionals and their chances of winning the competition are greater than others. For example, the athlete who has already won medals in national competitions would be far closer to winning international competitions. Secondly, experience also matters. To illustrate, it is likely that a person coming from a smaller background may be good technically, but may not understand the game's tactics on his debut. Therefore, experienced individuals are the key people no country can neglect.

In conclusion, for a country all sportsmen are in the same boat and supporting both types of individuals should go hand in hand.(<--I don't understand this sentence.)