IELTS Essay on Supermalls causes death of local business and community

[sweetypatel]

Essay Topic:Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, supermalls are growing worldwide due to its elegant environment. Some people believe that owing to the extension of mall culture, the local business would die and as a result local community, while I don’t find any valid justification in these arguments. A deep insight of this is described in below paragraphs.

There are few reasons why people choose supermalls over local markets. People prefer a hygienic and sophisticated environment over crowdie and traditional places to shop. Due to this change in preference, consumers turn to supermarkets where they could get all quality products they want at one place.

Some people argue that this causes closure of local shops and in turn local community. There are some grounds to valid their thinking. The first point to make is that, most of the malls sell international goods, so local goods would not be the first choice for the citizens which causes severe harm to the local business. For example, the popularity of the labels like Nike and Adidas has put locally made clothes on extinction. The second point to make is that, this extinction of local business could increase unemployment. People would leave the region and deport to seek the employment which might cause the death of local community. For example, in India, workers of handmade cloths have changed their occupation due to an introduction of the big brands. Thus, opponents of mall culture believe an establishment of the supermarket is the main reason behind disturbance in the society.

However, I believe that market does not directly relate to society or culture. There are many bases of my view. Firstly, traditional goods could be sold in the malls which can increase the sell which means proliferation of the traditional business. As a prime example, Indian “Banarasi Saree” has become so famous that westerners also order it. Secondly, these markets require many employees to cater for the needs of the visitors which could increase the opportunity. For example, each town in India has D-mart having at least a hundred employees working in each. Finally, any community does not fully depend on the shopping centers. For instance, there are many places like community centers and club which could keep traditional society to live. Thus, it would be an overstatement to say that supermall kills local business and local community.

To sum up it all, although the spread of large markets could impact small business, it does not mean the complete death of the regional business or local culture.

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Please give me an approximate band for my essay.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I have just replied to your question about this essay, so let's see how you got on.

What makes 'supermalls' elegant? Why are you talking about 'supermalls' when the question is about supermarkets?

Why are small shops unhygienic?

Why are local goods not the first choice for people?

What do you mean by 'locally made' clothes?

The malls don't make the clothes. You seem to be confusing manufacturers and sellers.

That market? (Beginning of the penultimate paragraph.)

Actually, you have answered the question quite well, though some parts are unclear and you have clearly misunderstood 'supermarket' which is a big red flag! Points are not well-developed, however. Grammar and vocabulary are both good.

All the best,
David

[sweetypatel]

Thanks David for your suggestion.

In india, we consider supermalls and supermarkets. They are both same for us.
And local markets are not as much clean as malls here in India.
All in all, I wrote this essay assuming my home-town.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

In your introduction, there is no mention that you are specifically writing about your own city/town. That would not be a good idea in IELTS T2 anyway as you are supposed to look at a variety of scenarios for a higher band score.

I really hate to write this, but you've all got 'supermarket' and 'supermall' totally wrong. They are absolutely not the same. A quick check on Wikipedia and dictionary.com confirms this. Sorry, India!

Another quick check on the D-Mart India website makes it clear that D-Mart self-describes as a supermarket, not a mall.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Essay Topic:Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, supermalls are growing worldwide due to the elegant environment. Some people believe that, owing to the extension of mall culture, local business will die and as a result, so will the local community. I do not find any valid justification in these arguments. A deep insight of this is described in the following paragraphs.

There are a few reasons why people choose supermalls over local markets. People prefer a hygienic and sophisticated environment over crowded and traditional places to shop. Due to this change in preference, consumers are turning to supermarkets where they can get all quality products they want in one place.

Some people argue that this causes the closure of local shops and in turn, the local community. There are some grounds to validate their thinking. The first point to make is that most malls sell international goods, so local goods are not the first choice for the citizens which causes severe harm to the local business. For example, the popularity of labels like Nike and Adidas has pushed locally made clothes to extinction. The second point to make is that this extinction of local business could increase unemployment. People would leave the region to seek other employment which might cause the death of the local community. For example, in India, workers of handmade clothes have changed their occupation due to the introduction of the big brands. Thus, opponents of mall culture believe an establishment of the supermarket is the main reason behind this disturbance in the society.

However, I believe that market does not directly relate to society or culture. There are many reasons for my view. Firstly, traditional goods can be sold in the malls which can increase the sell which means proliferation of the traditional business.(<--What is 'increase the sell'?) As a prime example, the Indian “Banarasi Saree” has become so famous that westerners also order it. Secondly, these markets require many employees to cater for the needs of the visitors which could increase employment opportunities. For example, each town in India has a D-mart with at least a hundred employees working in each. Finally, no community fully depends on the shopping centers. For instance, there are many places like community centers and clubs which maintain traditional society. Thus, it would be an overstatement to say that supermalls kill local business and local community.

To sum up, although the spread of large markets could impact small business, it does not mean the complete death of the regional business or local culture.

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