As child obesity becomes a serious health issue in today’s society, some people feel that TV commercials advertising junk food aimed at kids should not be shown before 9pm.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
It is true that obesity is a current problem in our society, especially among children. This problem can lead to even more serious health issues, and in order to tackle this situation some individuals believe that junk food advertisements should be banned during the primetime, specifically before 9 pm. I agree with this point of view. However, this measure is not enough to reduce the obesity issue.
There are many reasons why junk food commercials contribute to child obesity. Firstly, advertisements, in general, are extremely appealing, they use bright colours, lovely voices, music and celebrity endorsements with the aim of catching the audience's attention. Secondly, junk food commercials only talk about how tasty it is and do not talk about future consequences. Therefore, children get very impressionable about them and always want to eat these type of food, as they do not the damage they are causing to their health.
On the other hand, child obesity is not only advertisements fault but also their parent's fault. For example, nowadays parents are too busy working, and when they get home, they do not have the patience to cook, so parents give to their sons whatever they want to eat. Moreover, if parents provided to their sons better food options, then children would not be as influenced by what they see on TV as they usually are.
To sum up, besides banning unhealthy advertisements in the primetime, parents should educate their child to have a better lifestyle, combining healthy food with physical exercise. Consequently, I believe that the aforementioned measures will result in a decrease in child obesity.
Task 2. essay about child obesity. Aming band 7
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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Re: Task 2. essay about child obesity. Aming band 7
Hello!
Overall, a good essay, which could be further improved quite easily.
The first main paragraph is good, but we can see that the second is a little short (compare it to the introduction). Considering it contains a very good point, it's a pity that it's not extended.
Vocabulary is good, with some less common items, e.g. catching the audience's attention. Grammar is good too, both in terms of range and accuracy. A few more conditional sentences would be an improvement.
You also use a wide range of connectives correctly and organisation within paragraphs (sentence order) is very good.
All the best,
David
Overall, a good essay, which could be further improved quite easily.
The first main paragraph is good, but we can see that the second is a little short (compare it to the introduction). Considering it contains a very good point, it's a pity that it's not extended.
Vocabulary is good, with some less common items, e.g. catching the audience's attention. Grammar is good too, both in terms of range and accuracy. A few more conditional sentences would be an improvement.
You also use a wide range of connectives correctly and organisation within paragraphs (sentence order) is very good.
All the best,
David
Re: Task 2. essay about child obesity. Aming band 7
Arya11 wrote:As child obesity becomes a serious health issue in today’s society, some people feel that TV commercials advertising junk food aimed at kids should not be shown before 9pm.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
It is true that obesity is a current problem in our society, especially among children. This problem can lead to even more serious health issues. In order to tackle this situation, some individuals believe that junk food advertisements should be banned during prime time, specifically before 9 pm. I agree with this point of view. However, this measure is not enough to solve the obesity issue.
There are many reasons why junk food commercials contribute to child obesity. Firstly, advertisements, in general, are extremely appealing as they use bright colours, lovely voices, music and celebrity endorsements with the aim of catching the audience's attention. Secondly, junk food commercials only talk about how tasty it is and do not talk about future consequences. Therefore, impressionable children always want to eat this type of food, as they do not the damage they are causing to their health.
On the other hand, child obesity is not only the advertisements' fault but also their parents' fault. For example, nowadays parents are so busy working that when they get home, they do not have the patience to cook, so they feed their children whatever they want to eat. Moreover, if parents provided their children with better food options, then children would not be as influenced by what they see on TV as they usually are.
To sum up, besides banning unhealthy advertisements in the prime time, parents should educate their children to have a better lifestyle by combining healthy food with physical exercise. Consequently, I believe that the aforementioned measures will result in a decrease in child obesity.