Task 2

[Aky]

By investing in tourism we can earn a lot of revenue and growth in national economy. At the same time it destroys the local culture. What is your opinion?" Give your opinion in no less than 250 words.


Same topic but answers are by different people. Please compare this essays as competition but I know we made mistakes but find out which one is better ? give your feedback … thank you very much in advance !!! 

My friend’s response :

Today, tourism is one of the thriving industries worldwide . It has grown, especially in the last few decades, by exponential numbers. This is simply because , global citizens are really keen on visiting to urbanized cities rather than uncharted places. For this reason, countries are eager to spend big amount of their budget on tourism. It has some rich rewards ,but some problems might be posed by this advance as well. In the essay ahead, I will try to discuss both concerns before coming to conclusion .

Firstly, tourism makes significant contribution for cultural preservation. When tourist visit to local culture, they do not necessarily destroy it. Of course, they might want to experience some divers and customs, so as to take brief information about nation. To some critics minds, this is clear demonstration of cultural mixing which is happening around the world village. Addition to this, tourism might bring ample motivation for upholding cultural identity. Another particularly interesting fact is an income comes by foreigners to local people. There is no deny, usually tourists spend considerable money on daily basics in hosting country. Furthermore, people can offer their prompt services like hotel, restaurant and others that brings money to their pockets.

On the other hand, tour activities might bring some weighty problems including vandalism or spoiling youngs. Blatantly, tourists have particular liking for historical and valuable things .In most cases, this make them touch walls of buildings or experiment some monuments on their hands. Undoubtedly, this might confuse local government financially and morally. As an example, by panel of CNN , it took virtual 3 years to had Taj Mahal repaired for Indians in 2016.Also, in most Asian countries, young generation tries to imitate people come from Europe. However, some habitants of European people like kissing each other or drinking bears in public are considered as a shame in these cultures. When foreigners are doing them, young local might learn ang forgot own culture.

To conclude ,In our sophisticated society, mankind can reap several benefits in tourism by earning good fortune and making their culture more popular and preserved. As far as I am concerned, advantages of tourism overweigh its drawbacks. Furthermore, Leaders of nations should more think about developing tour industry.
312 words

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The second sentence makes no sense.

Divers? Prompt services? Confuse local government? Drinking bears? (spelling)

When you refer to drinking beer in Asia, what do you mean? I assure you that there is no problem drinking beer publicly in China, Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, South Korea, Cambodia, Israel and many other Asian countries.

Overall, your ideas are reasonable, but poorly developed. There are many grammatical and vocabulary mistakes which can make understanding difficult.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

By investing in tourism we can earn a lot of revenue and growth in national economy. At the same time it destroys the local culture. What is your opinion?" Give your opinion in no less than 250 words.

My friend’s response :

Today, tourism is a thriving industry worldwide. It has grown, especially in the last few decades, exponentially. This is simply because global citizens are really keen on visiting urban cities rather than uncharted places. For this reason, countries are eager to spend much of their budget on tourism. This has some rich rewards, but some problems as well. This essay will discuss both sides before coming to a conclusion.

Firstly, tourism makes a significant contribution to cultural preservation. When tourists visit a local culture, they do not necessarily destroy it. Of course, they might want to experience various customs, so as to learn about the nation. To some critics, this is a clear demonstration of cultural mixing(<--I don't understand.) which is happening around the world. In addition to this, tourism provides ample motivation for maintaining cultural identity. Another particularly interesting benefit is the income foreigners bring to local people. There is no dening, usually tourists spend considerable money on a daily basis in the host country. Furthermore, people can offer services like accommodation, restaurants and other things that bring money to their pockets.

On the other hand, tourist activities might cause some weighty problems including vandalism or spoiling youths. Blatantly, tourists like to visit historical and valuable things. In most cases, this makes them touch the walls of buildings or some monuments, which could lead to damage. Undoubtedly, this might frustrate the local government financially and morally. As an example, by panel of CNN , it took virtual 3 years to had Taj Mahal repaired for Indians in 2016.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Also, in most Asian countries, the younger generation tries to imitate people coming from Europe. However, some citizens of European people like kissing each other or drinking alcohol in public, which are considered taboo in the host culture. When foreigners are doing these things, young locals might copy their actions and forgot their own culture.

To conclude, in our sophisticated society, mankind can reap several benefits from tourism by earning a good income and making their culture more popular and preserved. As far as I am concerned, the advantages of tourism outweigh its drawbacks. Furthermore, national leaders should focus on developing their tourism industry.
312 words