Please assess my writing task 2

[ysaddiq]

Most pollution, especially air and water pollution, is caused by industry. if we want to protect the environment we should make factories and forms of industry pay for all the pollution they cause. that is the only way to make sure that the owners will make a serious effort to reduce the pollution that they caused.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that the factories are playing a significant role in damaging our environment. Factories, in particular, are polluting the air and the water by dumping toxic and chemical wastes. Therefore, many argue that the owners must hold accountable and pay for the damages they are causing. In my personal opinion, I think penalties policy is an ineffective way to deal with this issue and that more strict policy should be used. I will analyze these areas in my essay.

Throughout the history harsh economic penalties policy has been proved that it helps to reduce the problem but not should be considered as an optimal solution to eliminate the pollution. For instance, the cost of penalty is usually 20% higher than a company’s annual profit. Thus, for the company to efficiently reduce the cost of its production they would unethically dump their toxic and extremely harmful chemicals wastes in third world countries' oceans and other lacks. Therefore, forcing the factories to pay the price of their own damage is not always an appropriate solution.

Alternatively, the government should introduce a more rigorous punishment policy to eliminate the pollution issue. For example. each factory which exceeds the allowance limit of pollution level could face a permanent closure of its facilities. This policy, therefore, definitely will force owners to take a considerable amount of effort to reduce pollution and collaborate with environmentalist and scientists to turn their facilities into environment-friendly.

Taking everything into consideration, factories are the main responsible of air and water pollution. Therefore, a harsh policy like closure should be used to eliminate the pollution. Unless stricter laws are implemented factories will continue to pollute our environment.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The first main paragraph doesn't make sense. The points do not follow logically from each other.

The second main paragraph contains a good idea, but it is not well-developed. We can see that it is roughly the same length as the introduction.

Grammar is good and overall vocabulary is reasonable. Make sure that you develop points to make them clear.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Most pollution, especially air and water pollution, is caused by industry. if we want to protect the environment we should make factories and forms of industry pay for all the pollution they cause. that is the only way to make sure that the owners will make a serious effort to reduce the pollution that they caused.

To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that factories are playing a significant role in damaging our environment. Factories, in particular, are polluting the air and the water by dumping toxic and chemical waste. Therefore, many argue that the owners must be held accountable and pay for the damages they are causing. In my personal opinion, I think a penalties policy is an ineffective way to deal with this issue and that more strict policy should be used. I will analyze the reasons for this below.

Throughout history, harsh economic penalties have been proven to help reduce the problem but should not be considered as an optimal solution to eliminate pollution. For instance, the fine is usually 20% higher than a company’s annual profit. Thus, for the company to efficiently reduce the cost of its production they would unethically dump their toxic and extremely harmful chemical waste in third world countries' oceans and other lacks.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Therefore, forcing factories to pay for their own damage is not always an appropriate solution.(<--I don't follow your logic.)

Alternatively, the government should introduce a more rigorous punishment policy to eliminate the pollution issue. For example, any factory that exceeds the allowed limit of pollution could face a permanent closure of its facilities. This policy, therefore, will force owners to take a considerable amount of effort to reduce pollution and collaborate with environmentalists and scientists to ensure their facilities are environment-friendly.

Taking everything into consideration, factories are the main cause of air and water pollution. Therefore, a harsh policy like closure should be used to eliminate pollution. Unless stricter laws are implemented, factories will continue to pollute our environment.