Please assess my writing task 2

[fasah]

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. Do you agree or disagree?

The advertisement of various job opportunities for overseas candidates is nowadays a very common strategy used by human resources department. As a result of this, multiple famous companies and stake holders all across established countries are hiring a huge number of workers from developing nations. This whole process is accepted by some but completely contradicted by others. personally in my opinion, there is no harm in widening the job market ,as it promotes healthy work atmosphere and generates good revenue for companies.

Firstly, the agenda of every organisation is to create a productive working environment. Providing equal working opportunities, not only to local citizens but to poor countries inmates, produces a highly professional atmosphere where ideas from people relating to different backgrounds are shared. For instance, many developers and testers from south east Asia are recruited by eminent UK based software institutes. consequently, they have delivered a number of brilliant projects over time and this can only be attributed to combined effort from workers in a positive manner across borders.

Secondly, offshore resourcing is rather affordable. Any firm work force can easily hire three members of staff from developing countries in the salary of one local onshore. This might sound absurd to many but the fact is that it had saved the falling economies and reputation of a lot of companies. Moreover, the capital saved in this way boost business and yields revenue.

In summary, the room for deserving people from industrialising nations for jobs should be maintained. If it continues, it will bring more benefits from present as far as productivity and profit is concerned.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Once again, I note that the introduction is only slightly shorter than the first main paragraph and significantly longer than the second!

The real problems with this essay are a) overgeneralisation to an excessive degree and b) the lack of any reference at all to the problems.

a) The types of workers are not clearly defined, though admittedly this is partly a problem with the question. A cleaner can be 'skilled'.

b) Why should a country have equal opportunities for foreign workers? What does that mean for local people? What does it mean for a country when it's best people leave?

The second sentence of the second paragraph is simply false. In Britain, for instance, the minimum wage applies to all workers. This means that the whole of the second paragraph is based on false information.

In the conclusion, you fail to define 'deserving'.

Grammar is amazing and vocabulary is very good but not used to produce a convincing essay.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the advertisement of various job opportunities for overseas candidates is a common strategy used by Human Resources departments in many companies. As a result of this, multiple famous companies and stake holders all across established countries are hiring a huge number of workers from developing nations. This whole process is accepted by some but completely opposed by others. In my opinion, there is no harm in widening the job market, as it promotes a healthy work atmosphere and generates good revenue for companies.

Firstly, the agenda of every organisation is to create a productive working environment. Providing equal working opportunities, not only to local citizens but to citizens of poor countries as well, produces a highly professional atmosphere where ideas from people of different backgrounds are shared. For instance, many developers and testers from south east Asia are recruited by eminent UK-based software institutes. Consequently, they have delivered a number of brilliant projects over time and this can only be attributed to the combined effort of workers across borders.

Secondly, offshore resourcing is becoming increasingly affordable. Any firm can easily hire three members of staff from developing countries for the salary of one local employee. This might sound absurd to many, but the fact is that this practice has saved the falling economies and reputations of a lot of companies. Moreover, the capital saved in this way boosts business and yields revenue.

In summary, the room for deserving people from industrialising nations for jobs should be maintained.(<--I don't understand this sentence. What room?) If it continues, it will bring more benefits as far as productivity and profit is concerned.