please review my GT task 2- Appreciate

[DJvj]

Topic :-

As people become increasingly more dependent on motorcars, the public transport systems tend to run down. This has serious consequences for both existing community and new communities, which are spreading farther and farther from town centres. Express your opinion, and support the same with reasons and examples

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One of the biggest challenges which urban commuters face today is available transportation options . People are spending significant time in travelling due to various factors. While some people think that people prefer to use their personal vehicle rather than public transportation. However, there are few opponents of this idea.Below essay will provide both the viewpoints with a reasoned conclusion.

There are several reasons why people prefer their own vehicles.Firstly, people are staying far off from their workplaces and therefore they use their own vehicles to reach their destination quickly and comfortably. For instance, commuters in Bangalore have to rely heavily on the government bus service which takes a long time and becomes overcrowded .Secondly, it gives them the flexiblity to move around as per their convience. Lastly, people are staying far off from city area and difficult for individual to reach their destination using public transportation due to the poor connectivity.


On the other side of the argument,it can offer few challenges as well.One of the main reason is it increases the amount of traffic on roads if everyone uses their personal vehicles. Even it creates congestion on the roads because of the volume of the traffic.For instance, in urban cities like Bangalore, it takes long hours to travel a shorter distance.The amount of pollution caused by those vehicles are too high and is a health hazard for the citizens.

To conclude, I firmly believe that people should use their personal vehicle judiciously.People commuting through the same location should encourage to do car pooling and the government should provide better infrastructure and alternate modes like metro to cater to larger population. It will help in reducing the congestion on the roads and also save the environment for the future generation.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I don't think that you have really 'got to grips' with the question. Your points are valid, and relevant, but, for example, you haven't pointed out why people use their cars even if there are jams. The points you mention in the conclusion are also good, but undeveloped in the main paragraphs of the essay. Then, there is the even more important question of whether those solutions will actually work. Beijing has good infrastructure and an extensive subway system, but still has massive jams (and foul air!).

Vocabulary is relevant to the topic, but sometimes not very specific. Grammar is good. There are many mistakes (e.g. people are staying far off - people live far away) but everything is clear.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Topic :-

As people become increasingly more dependent on motorcars, the public transport systems tend to run down. This has serious consequences for both existing community and new communities, which are spreading farther and farther from town centres. Express your opinion, and support the same with reasons and examples

****************************************************


One of the biggest challenges which urban commuters face today is available transportation options. People are spending a significant amount of time travelling due to various factors. While some people prefer to use their personal vehicle rather than public transportation, there are a few opponents of this idea. This essay will review both viewpoints before coming to a reasoned conclusion.

There are several reasons why people prefer their own vehicles. Firstly, people often live a long distance from their workplace, so they use their own vehicle to reach their destination quickly and comfortably. For instance, commuters in Bangalore have to rely heavily on the government bus service which takes a long time and becomes overcrowded. Secondly, it gives them the flexibility to move around at their convenience. Lastly, people live far from urban centers, which makes it difficult to reach their destination using public transportation due to poor connectivity.

On the other side of the argument, using private transport can offer a few challenges as well. One of the main disadvantages is it increases the amount of traffic on the roads if everyone uses their personal vehicles. Even it creates congestion on the roads because of the volume of the traffic.(<--Reword to: "The high volume of traffic increases congestion.") For instance, in urban cities like Bangalore, it takes several hours to travel a short distance. The amount of pollution caused by those vehicles is high and is a health hazard for the citizens.

To conclude, I firmly believe that people should use their personal vehicle judiciously. People commuting to the same location should be encouraged to do car pooling and the government should provide better infrastructure and alternate modes like the metro to cater to a larger population. This will help in reducing congestion on the roads and also save the environment for future generations.