Please evaluate my task 2

[luke Thompson]

Some people believe that taking care of animals is unnecessary.
To what extend do you agree or disagree



In the last decade, there has been an exponential rise in the number of animals which are at the risk of disappearance.This continues to be controversial , with some people claiming, the allocation of budget for conservation schemes is vain. However, in my firm conviction, I somewhat disagree with the saying that animals are worth protecting.In this essay, I will try to explain why.

Firstly, The importance of endangered species on maintaining the balance of nature is indisputable.Ecosystems are delicate arrangements where plants and animals all rely on each other for survival . Obviously, the extinction might bring some negative impacts on other creatures by breaking the food chain or altering habitats. Furthermore, since such a imbalance brings potential risks us and environment, we should take care of disappearing animals.

Second of all, Virtual harm of animals come from contemporary lives of humankind. Today, we exploring the some uncharted places in order to have some energy sources or construct buildings by wiping out forests. Inevitably, animals which live in those places suffer from starvation . As a result, the most of them can not survive. For this reason, It should be our obligation to preserve wildlife.

On the other hand, at the present, there are some other weighty problems that we are struggling. As salient examples, air and water pollutions pose threat to our conventional lives. Furthermore, it might more beneficial effort to concern about these rather than species.

In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that animals deserve to be protected.while, maintenance in nature on the earth is significant, we should seriously think about expanding number of endangered species.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

To be honest, I find the question a little strange. Are we talking about pets, zoos, wildlife or animals generally?

Anyway ....

I'm not sure about the starvation point. I'm sure that's true in some cases, but I think that habitat loss is the key problem. Many animals are being forced into smaller areas, so they reach a peak population that is lower.

The third main paragraph is too short - so short that I'm not even sure what point you are making.

I don't think you mean 'expanding the number of endangered species'.

Overall, not bad, but not that good either. Points are unclear, sometimes due to poor vocabulary and grammar.

All the best,
David