Please evaluate my essay. I desperately need feedback. Thanks

[cnsfriends143]

Question: Attendance is regularly checked in many colleges and universities. But some state universities do not consider attendance as important arguing that passing the course is more important. Which do you think is better?


Frequently checking the attendance has mostly been a part of numerous colleges but some universities do not consider the presence in the classroom essential, debating that passing the course is more vital. To my mind, it is more important to pass a subject than to have a perfect attendance because great performance is what matters to get employment, which is one of the focal points in education.

Many colleges implement a stringent attendance monitoring to keep students in the classroom. Some universities take presence seriously that it is included in the curriculum to instill a necessary bit of healthy fear for the learners to meet fundamental standards. For example, the Far Eastern University in the Philippines includes student presence in class as part of the grading system to exercise adherence in the attendance. Doing so enforces the student to go to lectures because if they do not, this situation would cause a severe penalty in their mark, which the pupil could end up with a failing grade at the end of the semester. Those at the top of the educational hierarchy of these schools understand the value of attendance that they made it an indispensable requisite to getting high marks or simply to pass a subject.

Some colleges, on the other hand, take immense value on passing the course over attendance owing to the belief that delivering a lucrative output is what matters in the corporate world. In today's society, how brutally simplistic it may seem, most employers prefer graduates who excel academically. For instance, companies would not care about a flawless attendance in school, instead, they would like to see excellent or passing grades to meet their criteria for a job position. This idea is intensely analogous to some educational institutions that care more about passing courses than about monitoring the attendance of underperforming students.

In my opinion, it is better not to check the attendance as long as the pupil is able to pass the subject as it is more practical to focus more on the achievements of students who have attendance inconsistencies than those who are regularly present in class yet perform poorly. In addition, what is integral to employers is the marks seen in the transcript and not the attendance sheet.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

An interesting question!

Overall, this is a good essay. your points are quite basic, but valid, and you have developed them to some extent. I like the fact that you have looked at the issue from the point of view of the employers, but I think that you could have pointed out that employers often like their employees to go to work regularly! Perhaps it depends on the particular job?

The range of vocabulary and grammar is good and errors do not change meaning. Organisation is clear.

Well done!
David

[Flick]

Question: Attendance is regularly checked in many colleges and universities. But some state universities do not consider attendance as important arguing that passing the course is more important. Which do you think is better?


Frequently checking attendance has been a part of numerous colleges but some universities do not consider presence in the classroom essential, debating that passing the course is more vital. To my mind, it is more important to pass a subject than to have perfect attendance because great performance is what matters to get employment, which is one of the focal points in education.

Many colleges implement stringent attendance monitoring to keep students in the classroom. Some universities take presence so seriously that it is included in the curriculum to instill a necessary bit of healthy fear for the learners to meet fundamental standards. For example, the Far Eastern University in the Philippines includes student presence in class as part of the grading system to ensure adherence to attendance. Doing so encourages the student to go to lectures because if they do not, it would cause a severe penalty in their mark, which could lead to a failing grade at the end of the semester. Those at the top of the educational hierarchy of these schools understand the value of attendance so they made it an indispensable requisite to getting high marks or simply to pass a subject.

Some colleges, on the other hand, place immense value on passing the course over attendance owing to the belief that delivering a lucrative output is what matters in the corporate world. In today's society, despite how brutally simplistic it may seem, most employers prefer graduates who excel academically. For instance, companies do not care about a flawless attendance in school. Instead, they would like to see excellent or passing grades to meet their criteria for a role. This idea is analogous to some educational institutions caring more about passing courses than about monitoring the attendance of under-performing students.

In my opinion, it is better not to check the attendance as long as the pupil is able to pass the subject as it is more practical to focus on the achievements of students who have attendance inconsistencies than those who are regularly present in class yet perform poorly. In addition, what is integral to employers is the marks seen in the transcript and not the attendance sheet.