That is my first ever writing task, could you please leave your feedback, Thank you!

[RangeScorpio]

My task was:
Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community.
Write a letter to the newspaper. In your letter:
suggest someone who deserves the reward
mention what they have done to help the community
say what reward you would like to give this person
Write about 150 words. You do not need to write addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear…


And that is my letter:

Dear Sir / Madam,

My name is John Watson, Baker street, 331b. Yesterday, I read in your newspaper about rewards that you established for people who contributed much to our community. Thus, I am writing to you wishing to share valuable information about remarkable person, who, I am sure, deserves that reward.

I am talking about mister Sherlock Holmes, who lives for last two years next door to me. During all that time he helped local police department in the most complicated criminal cases. Also he always help people in unofficial manner, even when they ask him to find their lost dog or cat. I should add even more unexpected detail: several times I saw famous politicians and military officers, coming outside his apartment!

Due to the fact, that mister Holmes is very modest person, nobody, except those whom he has already helped, knows about his contribution to our community. I think that an article in your newspaper devoted to him, supplied with photo will become small, but deserved reward for his activity.

With kind regards,
Dr. John Watson


Thank you.
With best regards!

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I have just watched the latest episode of 'Sherlock', so what an appropriate letter!

This is a good letter. All points have been answered and developed clearly. vocabulary is good in both range and accuracy. The weakness is grammar - though not bad, there is a limited range and quite a lot of mistakes.

All the best,
David

[RangeScorpio]

Thank you very much, David. I also watched that the latest and the last episode of 'Sherlock' =)

Could you be so kind to tell me, what band level can I get writing letter in current manner? Is my grammar so terrible and I can't even dream about 7.0-7.5, which I need?

Thank you!

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

I think that you need to work on the grammar to get such a score.
D

[Flick]

Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community.
Write a letter to the newspaper. In your letter:
suggest someone who deserves the reward
mention what they have done to help the community
say what reward you would like to give this person
Write about 150 words. You do not need to write addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear…



Dear Sir / Madam,

My name is John Watson. I live at 331B, Baker street. Yesterday, I read in your newspaper about rewards that you have established for people who have contributed much to our community. Thus, I am writing to you wishing to share valuable information about a remarkable person, who, I am sure, deserves that reward.

I am talking about Mister Sherlock Holmes, who has lived for the last two years next door to me. During that time, he has helped the local police department in the most complicated criminal cases. In addition, he always helps people in an unofficial manner, even when they ask him to find their lost dog or cat. I should add another, even more unexpected detail: several times I saw famous politicians and military officers entering his apartment!

Due to the fact that Mister Holmes is a very modest person, nobody, except those whom he has already helped, knows about his contribution to our community. I think that an article in your newspaper devoted to him, along with a photo, is a small, but deserved reward for his activity.

With kind regards,
Dr. John Watson


Thank you.
With best regards!