could you assess my type 2 essay

[baa22]

hello
I need you to evaluate my writing
the topic
it's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents , for instance for sport or music , and other are not . however, it's sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sport person or musicians
discuss both views and give your opinion.
general folks believe in hidden talents which usually born with children , meanwhile some minority denys those ideas and support that effort can make same result . in this essay we will discuss natural gifts and efforts to equalize the score.
many people inspired by the though of human unseen powers , this statement partially true because every person has his own perks which will shine in suitable care and development . i do agree with this viewpoint for two reasons : first , young children are adaptable to environment ,. finding their favorite subjects and made them focus on them to excell is manageable ,secondly, there is thousand of people who were able to be famous because of their natural gifts e.g. Adele as singer , Obama as politician, Harrison Ford as an actor , Davidson as doctor and so many others.
on the other hand , those who believe in effortless train to master certain skills are not totally off the course . effort in training always rewarded athlete when more endurance is required during competition as it in life , studying hard , working regularly with improve one self in mind always pays back. I do agree with this idea too , because during exams those who studied consistently will score higher as will as n music or sport make them incomparable.
in summary, strong natural features considered wondrous phenomenon especially for sport players and musicians , furthermore , training is key to surpass others in any field . I do think each views has it is own strong positives , therefore , combination of both will make huge impact to the world as we seen it in sports .

thank you in advance .

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I don't think the people who believe people can be taught talent are a minority. Around the world, parents will pay a lot for their kids to be taught talent.

Equalise the score?

The examples that you give - Adele, Obama - how do you know whether they have these talents naturally or not?

Actually, it's proven that studying consistently for exams can result in a lower score. Taking breaks from studying is well-known to aid remembering material and reduce tiredness due to over-studying.

Overall, not a good essay. There are a lot of grammatical errors and range of structures is low. Vocabulary is not used to create coherent arguments.

All the best,
David

[baa22]

thank you very much David for your evaluation

I will continue practice to get score 7